angelface119

My Reality
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2002-09-11 19:40:54 (UTC)

Pick my brain...

i dont know why i enjoy this so much. theres just something
about really writing whats on your mind that just makes
life so much better. doesnt really have to be anything
wonderful and meaningful. in fact it can be completely
pointless and thats ok, bc its all yours. so here we go,
just whatevers on my brain today:
i think i have decided that i dont like "L" she bugs the
hell out of me and we really werent meant to be friends she
just happened to be the first person that i met at school
and we just kinda stuck bc she was all i had to cling to
here, but now we have grown in opposite directions, she is
pretty much useless to me unless i need to waste a little
time doing completely retarded things
i think i am going to get my dada dog. he really wants
another dog and i can adopt one at the humane society that
looks just like the female he has only a boy.
those are really amazing groups. the humane society the
aspca friends for animals, the cats cradle. how can you not
help out something like that. that is the onlyu
organization i will truely give money to and feel ok with
it. i will help feed the homeless.. i will give my time to
work one on one with anything dealing with humans, but when
it comes to animals, i dont mind giving money. i am
uptight when it comes to money ..i like it a lot, so its
hard for me to cough it up, but animals can through it away
they cant go out and spend it on liquor they cant run up a
big bill buying doggie treats and catnip.. they are
helpless, god bless anyone who works with cats and dogs and
any other animal for that matter, you are true angels on
earth i would love to be in your position, but i have my
own flock to tend to. i do my part i donate money i adopt
dogs and cats all the time i rescue animals on the road i
adopt just to turn around and give them to the friends for
animals just so they wont be killed. i cant help it how can
you not just love their cute little furry faces.
school you know i want to stay i wouldnt mind taking all of
the interior design classes but when it comes down to it i
dont want to do it for a living. more like a hobby really.
we will see
i want to move. i really want a big change of pace, i want
a whole new settign and i want to live on my own. love
jennifer and all but i cant stand living with someone right
now. no no let me take that back, it would have to be in
the right setting. i cant handle living with a guy in a two
bedroom apartment that way we can have plenty of room to
move around and hopefully he works and so do i so we
wouldnt be cramed in there all the time. can you tell i
like my time to myself.
thoughts of "J". yep thats happens a lot. lately the main
thought is god i wanna sleep with him followed shortly
after with, damn it i really want to try and talk him into
letting me move to virginia. isnt that awful.. i really
would never do it if he didnt want me to, but god i want
to. it is just the answer to a lot of problems for me. i
want to move somewhere i dont know a lot of ppl. i would be
gettting to know him really and i want to be with him and i
want to go to cosmetology school which they have there and
i want to be far away from my folks for a while just to see
if i can do it and i want to have a real job and i want to
try and hack it on my own. i can do it damn it just let me
spread my wings...
oh oh did i mention i love my father to death, he is the
coolest person i know and i hate it right now bc he is so
lonely without me at the house he calls everday and talks
for an hour and then this morning he came up to see me even
though i will be home friday.its killing me. i love talking
to him he is just great he is the most amazing person i
know, we were asked the other day in a family development
class if you cuold trust your parents to play match maker
and find your husband. i had to say no to mom, but my dad i
trust with all my heart, in fact if he found someone pretty
much like him i would be set...i just hate seeing him
lonely as much as i love my mother i would really love to
find dad someone who would really love hima nd take care of
him and make him happy and keep him company.
and speaking of dating god i miss it. i just want a really
great relationship i miss having "J" no it wasnt a normal
but it was the best thing that has happened to me in a
while and i think that with him i would be the person that
i want to be...oh oh did i mention i still reeeeeeeally
want to fuck him?..yep yep lots just lots and lots of
sex...god i miss him
and i wanna go home i am so damn homesick its not even
that. i am not homesick really i just miss what my own
place has to offer ..i can get away from ppl and i can be
quiet or loud when i want to and i can walk around naked
and its ok and its just much better to have your own place
to be..god i miss that..
and finally i am a little worried..."J" is home i think,
and i havent heard from him yet..i keep forgetting i am not
his only prioity..yeah it would be nice to think he is just
pining awayor me every minute kinda like i do, but i know
he has other things to do so i am going to talk myself out
of this panic attack and say that he has his own life he is
busy and i am sure iw ill hear from him if he gets a free
moment bc i know he hasnt forgotten about me and that he
still likes me and things will be fine..oh yeah thats the
final thing
i have rediscovered my hope. i dont know where i lost it
but it is back again in full effect..i was so worried
that "J" and i are never going to be but his last phone
call has really brought back my faith and hope again. i
dont know why but i have always had this gut feeling that
we were meant to be together..no i dont mean married,
though the thought might have graced my mind once or teice,
but i was just thinking we are really suppose to have a go
at dating, i really think that we are going to get together
at some point and time i am just anticipating that day, oh
oh did i mention i hope its close to the end of this
semester so i can pack my ass up and move to virginia i am
aching to get out of here and he wouldnt be a half bad
escape....
anywho thats whats on my mind today!!!


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