My Heart and Soul....
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2002-09-11 19:33:05 (UTC)

Looking Back...

I guess today is a day of reflection. Personally, I had a
very hard day. For all that don't know, my cousin Timmy
worked in a law firm in the Second Tower. It was very hard
for our family, waiting and wondering. We didn't find out
until Friday that he was indeed safe and alive. So while
today is a day to be thankful that my family is still
intact, many of his co-workers families cannont say the same
thing. You see, his law firm was on the floor that the plane
impacted on. Thank God Tim left his office and went down to
the ground before the second plane hit. But many of the
friends and co-workers on his floor and those around him
didn't do that.

So please just be considerate. I cant tell you how many
times today I got laughed at for crying "for no reason". AND
i hear a lot of people saying "I don't care". Well....maybe
you didn't lose a loved one. But at least 10,000 other
people in this world did. And for those of us that were
touched by that attack, it hurts to hear you say you don't
care. They didn't all die fighting for a cause. Sure those
heroes did. But not the workers in their towers. They were
living their life, and it was brought to an abrupt halt.
That's not heroic. It's wrong. And it hurts. So please, just
don't be insenesitive.

Aside from that, Senior year is going great so far. my
friends and I are all very close and taking full advantage
of every opportunity that we have to make the best of
everything. I just want ALL my friends to know I love them.
I really do have such wonderful friends. I don't know what
I'm gonig to do when I have to leave this town, and these
friendships behind. It kills me to think about it. In fact,
I think I will not talk about it, cause it upsets me so
much. For the first time in a long time, I want to enjoy
school, and not think farther ahead than what I'm doing this
weekend. Cause that's what senior year is about. Forget
college (well, kinda) and all that crap...work...BLAH. I
hate that a whole lot. I got to find a job that is just on
weekends. That's what I really want to do. 8 hours a day 3
days a week. That's more than I get up at P&C, and it's not
an hour away from home. :-(

I still miss my friends. I don't have lunch with many
people. I keep hoping to look up and see Ams, Kris, Gabs,
or Carrie walking toward me, smiling. But I know that won't
happen. It's hard. Cause everyone has all their friends from
childhood there, and I don't. And really it's all my best
friends that aren't there. That's hard. But no self pity
this year. That's gonna be my motto. Cause no matter how
hard I think I have it, I know there is someone out there
who has it worse than me. So hopefully I can focus on the
good things in life, and be happy, and have the best year
every. We've been planning homecoming. More tomorrow at the
meeting. I'm so excited. Senior Year is a blast. We are
going to have SO much fun!!

STILL SINGLE!!! I'd just like to point that out. I've been
single for 9 months. And you want to know the truth?? It
sucks just as much now as it did in January. Maybe a little
more now. Cause that night, i was so drunk, it was all his
fault. But now, I'm starting to see how much I messed up in
that relationship too. SO.....it's hard sometimes. But....I
have total faith that there is a guy out there who won't
break my heart and make me cry. I just have to convince him
that he doesn't want to be gay anymore. :- lol....

WHATEVER....I'm in a funky mood. AND I have to go get ready
for work. Which sucks, cause I HATE work.

I will talk to you soon!!!