ruthemily

girl, interrupted
Ad 2:
2002-09-11 18:28:43 (UTC)

september 11th continued

don't get me wrong, i do have respect, i'm not that self-
centered. i have remembered what else happened this time
last year.

but i cannot bear to watch it on the tele, my own inner
world is fragmented and fucked up as it is, i kinda want
to hold on to some sense of hope that the outside world
isn't as bad as it seems.

there is a lot of stuff going on at the moment. i told my
dad that i am going to Durham and not coming back, i also
told him that i may move early. he didn't take it very
well. understandable i suppose. he thinks he can solve all
my problems, he thinks that if i talk to him about what
duncan did to me then my life will be solved. get this
buddy, thats only about a twentieth of it.

i love him but i hate him. i don't want him to leave me.

i don't even hate jack any more...i feel complete and
utter indifference. and after that comment he made
yesterday...i hope i never speak to him again. i have
tried so damn hard for him. i took care of him for so many
years. hell, i was responsible for him getting to school,
being fed, being clothed...i was 10.

i will just keep pretending that i don't mind him
trampling all over me.

it hurts though.

everything hurts. life hurts. guess i should just get used
to it.


Ad:2