Jesus knows where you live
20 ways to completley shag up your life!
1. Move to Canada
2. Do all your shopping in Primark
3. Ram a red hot poker up your ass
4. Hang around Lucy.H like flies on shit, just like the
other 78% of the sad (virgin) men in my school.
5. Have plastic surgery so you look like Jodie.B
6. Have a sex change so you can marry Jodie.B (Women only)
7. Have 86% of your brain removed so you think like Jodie.B
8. Go to a Nick.M party.
9. Appear as a contestant on "The Price Is Right"
10.Eat nothing but Cheerios for five months
11.Blow your life savings on a Drama course with Ms.Proctor
12.Go see the Paul Daniels magic show
13.Change your name through deed pole to something puffy
like Liberace or Bobby Crush and learn to play the piano.
People will then keep asking you to play at every party you
go to until you go insane and hack your arms off at the
wrists. Alternatively, become friends with Jamie.V
14.Set yourself on fire as a protest against Nestlé
products, just make sure Holly.P doesnt see you or she will
also try it to save many of babies from the evil Nestlé.
15.Have fantasies about Ms.Proctor and the Queen Mum (if
you can tell them apart first)
16.Keep the same underwear on for 52 years
17.Make a date with Cameron Diaz and stand her up
18.Make a date with Lisa Riley and keep it
19.Lock yourself in the same hamster ball as Mr.Appleyard
and ask for "The glare"
20.Shag one of the teachers daughters (As if anyone would
Thats about it really, anyone got any ideas for more and
i'll put them up. As long as they're not gay.
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