The Crazy Life of Troy, the Drama King!
2002-09-11 04:37:58 (UTC)

I feel like crying...

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just really saddened
and I'm letting certain people get to me that shouldn't. I
really really like JT and I can't get him out of my head!
We barely even talk and yet I find myself drawn to him.
I've heard so many things and I don't know what to believe.
I wish he would admit to himself what he is...stop
pretending...I did that for TOO long and it hurt. I know
what he's going through and I wish I could talk to him, but
he won't even give me a chance to walk into his life.

More drama at work today. GRR!! I walked in today and there
was ASS working. I was already 20 minutes late because I
forgot my name badge and I had to run home to get it. I was
on U-Scan all night tonight and I had to relieve ASS from U-
Scan. I walked over to him and you could just FEEL the
tension between us. I didn't even think he was going to say
anything, but then when it was my time to sign in he
freaking yelled at me!! Of course I smarted off and made
him look like a dumbass. I love making people feel stupid!
Here was pretty much the conversation

A: Hurry up, sign in!!
Me: Well you're just going to have to wait!
A: Jesus said hurry up! Jesus doesn't have time for you!
((It's this little figure of Jesus he carries
around...don't ask me!))
Me: Well Jesus can wait!
A: Jesus doesn't wait for anyone!
Me: Well he can wait for me!

Hehe, I felt so proud of myself. I'm not gonna let some
little boy think he's better than me because he isn't!
Everything was going fine until the phone rings, I pick it
up and the next thing I know, ASS is yelling at me! He's
telling me that I have no right to go around and tell
people that he's mean and that he was mean to me online and
if I want him to be mean to me, he'll bring it! What the
Geez and I thought "I" was a Drama King!

Well it turns out that Mary told ASS that what he did to me
online was very mean and this is when he went off and
decided to call me and bitch me out. Talk about immature!!

Then Samantha walked in as I was taking my break and she
made me so happy! I have been wanting to tell her the whole
situation since the day it happened! She is the greatest!
She's warm and nice and just an all around cool person. She
doesn't judge anyone and that's what I love about her. I
gave her a big hug and told her I was so glad to see her. I
told her what had happened and she just rolled her eyes.
She said she would talk to ASS for me and she did. She
never really calmed him down, but she did bring up the fact
that he thinks I'm going around saying that him and JT are
lovers and that him and JT are gay!! Hello?! I never said
any of that!! I kept my opinions about them two to myself!!
The only thing I said about ASS is that he's an asshole and
he thinks he's better than everyone! The only thing I said
about JT was that he was cute!! So sue me!!

Well I don't want ASS thinking that I have been going
around talking shit about him, so I try to explain to him
my side of the story as he is leaving, but he tells me that
he doesn't want to hear it! He just completely shut me out!
Grr, he makes me sooo angry and I don't know why I let him
get to me! I'm scared he's gonna run to his little JT and
tell him to NEVER begin to speak to me and tell him bad
things about me! I have probably lost ANY chance of being
with JT because of this ASS!

That's when I felt sad...why do I want something that I
can't have? Why does ANYONE want something they can't have?
I can just picture myself holding him in my arms...being
with him...laughing with him...but he never even talks to
me. He never even notices me! I don't know...I'm just
really saddened by it because I thought for once I would
meet someone really nice and who wouldn't be ashamed, but I
guess I was wrong. I really really want to talk to him and
get things laid out on the table, but he's not having it...

I found out a lot of things today, but I can't say what
they are, because many people have been reading this that
may figure some stuff out so I must be careful of what I
say and don't say. Let's just say that I wish people would
be more comfortable of who they are and not let their
friends control their life.

I have a new saying! I Love S.I.C.H.! It stands for I Love
Someone I Can't Have! It's a running theme for me. I fell
for this girl...let's call her B...and she has a boyfriend
who treats her like shit. She won't break up with him for
anything so I have pretty much given up on her! I still
flirt with her and we still talk a lot, but other than
trying to be more than friends with her, that part is over.
It's so weird cause that's exactly how I met my EX. She had
a boyfriend that treated her like shit and I was there for
her. The next thing ya know, she realized she could do
better and she broke up with him and one week later we were
going out. Let's not get into talking about my ex, it'll
make this entry a lot longer than it should be.

Well this night has been very dramatic. The whole time that
I have been writing this, I have been arguing with ASS
online! Yay me! I have so many things that I would LOVE to
say to him, but he's just not worth the time. I also IMed
JT, but he's not speaking to me. :0( Oh well...

I'm talking to Jeff too, which is cool.

But I guess I must be going. I have more important things
to do right now! I'll write another one tomorrow morning!