i'll tell you later

Clean slate

UJuly2201-0319a

so - I just erased all the old entries - i'm starting new
again - i feel like i should - things are different now -
my outlook toward C is differnt - i came to the realization
that although we've been a major part of eachother's lives
for about 3½ years now . . . well she has been a major part
of my life - it is debatable how major a part of her life i
have been . . . . . the current situation does not lend
itself for us to be anymore than friends - it it weird -
when i go back in 2 weeks we'll see how well i keep hese
thoughts in my head - when we are together it is just so
hard not to think of her in a romantic way - and
aparentlly . . . . as i have learned over the past few
months . . . . it is very eeasy for her - meeting J has
been a help in this process of viewing C as mearly a close
friend - although i'm still not sure how i am to act toward
a 'close friend' . . . . J is helpfull she puts things in
perspective nicely - either through her strengths or her
weaknesses - ifi was at a different stage of my life i
would defientally make a more concious effort in seeing
where things with J might end up - i fear that this is not
what either of us need presently however . . . . learning
how to socialize again is defienately a goal of mine for
the next few months - living in this apartment has been a
curse - i realize now . . . . partly becasue of J . . . who
appears to be in a similar situation (although i haven't
pryed) . . . . and partly on my own . . . that builind
lasting friendships is something i need to work on a lot
more - i am tired of carrying all these eggs alone and
whenever i find a nice basket someone else takes it before
i am able to get my eggs in there - i need to put a couple
here and a couple there . . . . although then i fear i will
become one of those people who irk me so much . . . . . i'm
not sure - this whole friendship thing is all too new to
me . . . .