Alcyone

Never Cross the Dotted Line
2002-09-11 01:26:21 (UTC)

Warped Ideas

In those rare moments where you feel like you really know
yourself....do you ever find contentment?

I'm always so restless...I've always felt like there's
something out there i'm missing...What is it about the
darkest depths of space, the silent kiss of surf, and the
soft mist of wild moors that calls to us...What makes us
wish that we could run the winding trails in the dead of
night? Maybe it's the same tingling sensation that creates
a hunter out of every man, and a huntress out of every
woman...."I want to be a hunter again, to see the world
alone again...so let me go"

Where does this independence come from....when did I
develop this warped idea that I had to be strong enough to
bear the weight of my life on my own...with no help...When
did I begin to think it best to push people away, when I
should have pulled them closer? I guess it developed as a
way to protect myself...I don't want to ever be hurt like
that again...i never want to feel that pain, that sorrow or
that aungish ever again....I'd rather be cold, rather feel
nothing, than die inside...then face that again.

When did i decide it best to hold things back, to hide my
emotions in some pandoras box...? I don't remember the
very moment, I wish I did, cause then maybe I could face my
past and change it....go back in time and right the wrong.
But I can't. All I can do now is look forward...




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