2001-07-22 06:08:36 (UTC)

all together now.

maybe you dont mean to do these things.
and maybe you didnt want me to feel this way.
but you did.
and there is nothing left for you to say.

you told me i was a child.
you told me i couldnt think for you.
but at least, i can think for myself.
and now you know.
just how i felt.

it seems like years since we fucked.
it really only been a month.
nothing can compare
to the hell you caused
you infested my life
im torn in lies.
you are my strife.

you loved me.
you loved me.
love me so much
you cant speak to me.
i loved you so much.
i spoke too much.
i felt too much.
i cried for you too much.

you were happiness.
and now youre my pain.
you reflected all the light.
and now theres just rain...
my beauty has been stained.
and you lied.
you lied.

i didnt want to fuck you.
you swore you never would.
this was the epitome of my stupidity.
and i will suffer for your negativity.
i fed your addiction.
i was your cigarette.
and now i am burnt out.
forever in my own debt

i never thought.
i never thought about an end.
i never thought id have to.
i didnt think of an aftershock
i dont know what to do anymore.

im swimming around in my own ocean of confusion.
i swore id hold on
till the end.
but now your gone.
and im sinking.
im sinking alone.
crying cold and flailing around.
and theres nothing.
there is no fucking middle ground.
its either a yes or a no.
and you.
you are no where to be found.
im giving up soon.
on it all.
i cant stay like this.
this isnt even existance.
its like a fuzzy world
clouded by lies and ignorance
my anger is getting harsher
and im conditioned to not feel.
there a point im about to hit.
where its all going to bust.
my little fragile life.
im going to combust.
im pent up and angry.
misled and misheard.
i just cant do this without you.
i just never thought i would have to.
i never thought...
and now.
im defeated and apathetic.
i just want you to be aware.
that im still holding on..
while i sinking
im still in love with you.
and i doubt that you care.
i gave you so much time.
i gave you so much of me.
that there is nothing left.
and you dont fucking care.
you dont fucking care.

so go and live off of me.
live off of the beauty and secuirty i imbedded in you.
you sucked me dry of it all.
go for it.
live and be happy.
live and be fake and free and fuck a lot.
fuck some sluts for me.
and tell yourself youre super dyke.
and be content and enjoy yourself.
maybe my little two seconds of happiness will add up to
actually i think mine meant more..
because i felt with you.
i was alive.
like you will never be.
and now ill die.
but at least i lived.
at least i lived, for a little while.

at least i tried..
you know.
at least i fucking did that.
all you fucking did.
was lie.
you are a lie.
a huge fucking lie.
a lie that i loved.
a lie that ill suffer forever inside
a lie that i miss
a lie that i finally saw through...
a lie that you took from me.
and a lie that i still believe.

im screaming for you.
im screaming for anything.
stains on the carpet.
read me my mind.
tell me to listen.
covered in grime.

where did i go.
and why did you leave.
break me apart.
leave me to bleed.
cut me off.
cut me off.
your no where anymore.
and im with you.
im with you..
listen to yourself.
put your trust in me.
because i dont lie.
i cant find.
the words anymore.
i cant see through my tears.
i cant read through the years.
i never said i would stay till the end.
i didnt know when was too much.
no lines.
too many drugs.
too much love.
needles leave holes.
people leave scars.
harm and shame.
a stupid drunk.
just being vain.
love me and love me.
and leave too.
i didnt want to care.
i dont want to know.
i never said it was alright.
dont fuckign think i wouldnt fight.
i didnt know where to go.
so i came to you.
and you came in me.
i didnt know your name.
i wont know your face.
the end was then.
and now is just after.
an aftershock of pain.
and you were so vain.
always something to complain about.
where is the light.
i dont need it.
i dont know what im saying.
i dont know what im thinking.
i miss fucking.
and i miss being loved.
i miss not knowing my right from my wrong.
i miss being young.
i used to have excuses.
and i didnt care.
i just need a voice.
i need an elsewhere.
i need to get away.
heroin is bad.
my friends.
my love.
my family.
its all leaving too.
everything has gone.
and ihave nothing left to cling to
i have nothing to hold to
i have no one to trust
no one i can love
something has to give
something has to change.
im leaving soon
and i cant cry for you.
i cant cry anymore.
i cant cry for any of you.
choice were made.
and we will pay
we will always pay.