kahlie

no words here
2002-09-10 08:02:54 (UTC)

im about to leave to go to..

im about to leave to go to dinner at my sisters...im not
so worried, i think i will eat properly, ive got to get
past this. for me, for the chance of some kind of future,
as much as a future scares me...

i was at work yesterday, and a friend of mine was
complaining about her parents, because they were concerned
about her going to a rave party, and getting raped. she
turned to me, and she's like 'i mean fuck its inverell, as
if it would ever happen'....i turned to her and said, oh
yeh, like it being inverell makes a fucking
difference. As soon as i said otherwise, she changed her
tune, shes like, oh, yeh, i know... she doesnt know about
me, but all the same, its a pretty fucked up thing to say,
i mean her parents were only looking out for her.

i hate pleasers. people that only say things to make
others happy, even if they dont mean a single fucking word
of what they are saying. thats probably the only thing i
like about myself, im good at saying what i mean, if i
have a certain feeling, i will express it the best way i
can, UNLESS the person is a lot bigger then me!!!

i wish i knew what it was i wanted. sometimes i just sit
there, and feel completly nowhere, like im watching a
movie, or staring through a window, only its my own life i
am watching. i feel like i am merely an actor, i feel like
i am pretending, and even though the movie is about me, i
wasnt good enough to play the lead.

ever since i was little, ive looked at such small things,
in such great detail & ive always thought how beautiful it
was. i look at the fur on my pet, and it is so beautiful,
i look at the direction it goes, and the texture, i wonder
why it goes the direction it goes, and why its the colour
it is. it astounds me and i love it. everything is
beautiful in its own way, except pure evil... not ANY one
thing falls into this category. nothing can be put into
groups because everything is so different and although
there are similarities, there arent on the inside.

well, um, that was a lovely insight!!!!

ive got something that i want to say, but il be back
later probably

~kb




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