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The Crazy Life of Troy, the Drama King!
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2002-09-10 04:34:08 (UTC)

Winter in July

Ok, before we begin, I would just like to begin this entry
by saying: IF YOU CAN'T ACCEPT ME FOR ME, THEN I DON'T WANT
YOU IN MY LIFE! That being said, we may now continue this
entry of the life of me, Troy, The Drama King!

Ok, I have so many thoughts running through my head right
now that I just don't know where to begin. Well...let's
start at the beginning...that's always the best way to
start things out!

Well I drive to "S-Mart" to start my lovely shift and I'm
very nervous. I'm paranoid that JT or his best
friend...let's call him ASS might be there. I don't know
why I let them affect me, but I do. I'm just not in the
mood to deal with either of them right now after what
happened last night. I scope out the scene as I'm walking
to the time clock and neither one of them are in sight.
PHEW! I go about my usual business and begin checking out
guests in my lane.

The next thing I know I see JT talking to my friend Dana
over at U-Scan. He still has his "S-Mart" outfit on, so I
assume that he's just now getting off work because he
USUALLY works in the morning! Boy was I wrong! I roll my
eyes and ask why he had to be here. I pray that he didn't
turn my way and notice me. I finally open up to my bagger
Mary about the whole situation. Ok, so she was there and I
wanted to talk to her! I needed to get it out! I probably
made a big mistake by telling HER of all people, because
it'll be around "S-Mart" that I have a crush on a STRAIGHT
guy in no time!! Oh well, she's a bit annoying, but she's a
nice girl. She has her times.

Just when I think things couldn't get any worse, I notice
that JT is talking to this girl named Michelle over by the
time clock. He keeps looking over at me. Do you ever have
those moments when you could SWEAR that people are talking
about you?! I had one of the moments! I was praying that he
wasn't talking about me, but I heard a BIG laugh come out
of Michelle and I just sink lower and lower into myself. My
cheeks begin to turn red.

I keep going on doing my job and then JT is behind me on
the next register helping out Michelle with something! I
freak out! Why is he still here??!! Why won't he go away?
I've suffered enough!! I didn't think he was working until
Saturday!!

Well it turns out he is working the WHOLE night! Great...I
get to see him the whole night...just GREAT! I finally
realize that this was meant to be and I must get him aside
and talk to him. I must apologize to him about the whole
situation. I mean, I DIDN'T know he was straight! I never
meant to make his life a living hell. I never meant to make
my OWN life a living hell for all that matter! The whole
time I am working I am trying to figure out a way that I
can talk to him. I had so many oppurtunites...but I didn't
use them...I'm too pussy to talk to him in person.

I'm just plain frustrated the whole night and I can't get
it out of my system. Then...ASS decides to show up to be
with his bestest friend. GRRRR!!! Would someone please
answer me this: Why do people get off on making fun of
other people? Why do people talk mean about people they
don't even know? Why do people get off on talking about
people? Why is there such thing as gossip?? I hate it all!!
And I hate people that think they're better than you! This
is ASS. He was the one that got an attitude with me last
night online when I ASSUMED that JT was not 100% straight!
Come to find out from his little sis, all he does is sit
and talk about people and think he's better than them! I
mean, his whole website is one big long story about people
that work at "S-Mart" and how they suck! I mean, what kind
of life is that? And to know that JT hangs out with this
scum-sucker made me even more pissed off!!

Well ASS is right behind me talking LOUDLY and making fun
of mostly everyone that works at "S-Mart" but I only heard
him make fun of Joy. Joy is an awesome person! She's like a
mother figure to me. She is sweet and funny, she is
everything a person should be, yet some people just have to
pick on her. For some stupid reason, ASS thinks she is
Amish and he just had to bring it up tonight! I was sooooo
pissed. My blood was boiling! I was about ready to turn
around and tell him to SHUT THE FUCK UP! He has NO right to
go around and talk about people! I mean, does he know what
people say about him?! They think he's a FUCKING TULIP-
CARRYING FAIRY BOY!! What makes him better than anyone?
NOTHING, that's what! I just hate it when people talk so
openly about other people when they're not around. Oh, as
soon as Joy came back from break, ASS was out of there! And
be sure that I told Joy what he was saying! We secretly
want to beat his ass outside in the parking lot. I can take
him too, I know I can!

Well I was very pissed and my bagger Stephen knew it.
Stephen's great! He is so sweet and he is an awesome
friend! Well I'm just going around to everyone tonight
venting with them cause I have nothing better to do. We
were actually DEAD at 10:00, I couldn't believe it!!

Then when Jeff walked through the door, everything changed.
Jeff is the coolest! I knew when I first saw him that me
and him would be friends. He's one of those rare guys like
me that doesn't care what people think of him! He's the
best! It took a while for him to come out of his shell, but
I'm glad he did. I cannot WAIT to go to Connections with
him! It is gonna be off the hook!

So anywayz, I'm babbling. Jeff walked through and I told
him about the whole JT situation and he said that he used
to hang out with them. He said they just talk about
everyone behind everyone's back and he wanted no part of
that so he stopped hanging around with them. I could NOT
believe this! I knew ASS was like that, but could JT be
like this too?? I mean, Dana told me tonight that it was
very unlike JT to talk about people behind their back, but
yet I would believe Jeff over Dana any day.

Well from 10:30-11 we all just mostly goofed around. I
finally came out to everyone and admitted that I was "bi!"
hehe, I hate saying that word..."bi"...it puts a label on
me, but oh well. I like both sexes, what can I say?! Jeff
even told me some secrets, but I'm not going to say them,
cause certain people may be reading this...let's just say
that some people may not be what they APPEAR to be...

I wish people would be honest with themselves. I mean, I
FINALLY admitted to myself that it was okay to be attracted
to both sexes. I finally came out and said, I LIKE BOYS AND
GIRLS! That's me, but it's not ALL me. I don't see why
people are so scared to admit who they really are, there's
nothing wrong with who you are and you shouldn't be ashamed
of who you are. It's a sad world we live in when people
have to act like someone else just so they can be accepted.
Who gives a RAT'S ASS if I'm not accepted somewhere! I love
me and that's all that matters!

Well Jeff and I should be becoming good friends since I got
his screen name and we are gonna hang out at Connections.
Also, Julia is the greatest! She was in my training class,
but we never got to see each other after that cause she
works 3rd shift. Well tonight since I worked till 11, I got
to see her and we just had a ball! She's such a fun person
and she BETTER get her ass to Connections so she can
sponsor me in!! I cannot wait til the 21st!

So all my troubles seemed to dissapear as me, Jeff, Julia,
Joy, and Shannon all hung out and joked around. This is
when I realized something that may change my life as we
know it...

I'm actually wondering if I should join the Air Force or
not. I mean, I have finally made my mark at "S-Mart" and I
realize that I love it there. I actually ENJOY going to
work because of the people that I have met and the people
that I talk to. These people accept me for me and they
actually want to hang out with me! I could be making some
monumental friendships here...but what if I join the Air
Force in October and have to leave that all behind?? That
saddens me...and scares me...what if NO ONE likes me in the
Air Force?? I love the people that I work with and I'm
scared to lose that. I've made so many new friends...

What to do, what to do!! I was thinking maybe...I could
start back to Bellarmine in January and graduate with a
degree in English Education, and THEN I could join the Air
Force and be an Officer!! I mean, 2 more years would be
plenty enough time to see if these friendships are going to
last! I dunno...so many things are weighing on my head and
it scares me. I only took the job at "S-Mart" cause I
didn't think that I would be there long. I didn't think I
would make any friends. I thought I would go in there and
do my job and then when the Air Force came a callin, I
would go and be free of everyone. Now things are different.
I find myself enjoying myself at work and I find myself
making so many more friends who are just so special to me.
I would miss them TOO much that my heart would break. I'm
at a crossroads and I don't know where to turn...

Here are the lyrics to this song that I just really related
to tonight, it's sung by the great Sarah Brightman

Winter in July

Look around
Wonder why
We can live a life that's never satisfied
Lonly hearts
Troubled minds
Looking for a way that we can never find
Many roads are ahead of us
With choices to be made
But life's just one of the games we play
There is no special way

Make the best of what's given you
Everything will come in time
Why deny yourself
Don't just let life pass you by
Like Winter in July

Future dreams can never last
When you find yourself
Still living in the past
Keep moving on to higher ground
Looking for the way
You thought could not be found

We may not know the reason why
We're born into this world
Where a man only lives to die
His story left untold

Make the best of what's given you
Everything will come in time
Why deny yourself
Don't just let life pass you by
Like Winter in July

And we may not know the reason why
We're born into this world
Where a man only lives to die
His story left untold

So make the best of what's given you
Everything will come in time
Why deny yourself
Don't just let life pass you by
Like Winter in July


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