Temple of Tranquility. . . (yeah right.)
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2002-09-08 21:10:24 (UTC)

I'm a Senior and completely out of it.

I haven't kept a journal since I don't know how long ago.
It just got to the point where I couldn't stand to write
about myself and the situations I was in. The John thing
got me all bent out of shape and then Kyle came along, and
that was wonderful. I know most people think he's obnoxious
and annoying, but I saw a side of him I doubt anyone ever
sees. It was refreshing. I was sith him for alomst three
months, and (as all my friends said) he was "so into" me.
One of them even said he worshipped the ground I walked on.
I'd like to know how you go from that to "This relationship
just isn't working for me right now."

And even though I know it's probably just me being lonely
and getting used to not having him around anymore, I kind
of miss him. He was my first real boyfriend. Last night I
went to sleep thinking about when we were together, and I
woke up thinking the same thing. I feel like such a dork
for it, too! He broke up with me - no reason given, over
the phone. And here I am, and all I can think about is how
I miss him. Do I have some sort of self-esteem problem or

Maybe I just want a boyfriend and my mind subconsciously
fixated on him. But I had a boyfriend; wouldn't you think
I'd be happy to be free of him after he broke up with me? I
don't get it. Really, I don't. I was never even given a
reason for it, either. He just called me up and that was
the end of it. I can't believe I didn't confront him about
it. I'm so stupid. Now I'm all confused and messed up about

And this is what I mean. I'm sick of writing about it. It
just makes me think about it more and then I feel worse. I
can't do this.