the things i do to myself...
i went back to ashley drive this morning, i just needed to
see that house, you know, i'm not even sure why, i guess i
wanted to remember....what i did remember wasn't
desirable, but hey, what more can i expect?
i went back to hursthead, thought of that little girl
ironically blending into a sea of red sweaters.
i rode up fountains road, remembered walking home with
vicki and matt and that group following me.
i went down oak drive, remembered tuesday evenings when i
would walk to lynne's house after art club. she would let
me eat chocolate and she would make me cheese sandwiches
with lots of butter, my mother never let me eat like that.
i remembered having to accompany lauren at the styal mill
concert, even though i really didn't want to, but mummy
made me do it so that she could 'show me off' some more.
i remembered passing out in the middle of a dress
rehearsal of the year 11 "epic" because i hadn't eaten for
days, and being told to get my act together.
i remembered that day mummy put me in the car and drove
round to mrs buckley's house, stood me on the doorstep
next to her and humiliated me...told my bloody teacher how
i didn't really do enough music practice, and that she was
quite entitled to punish me if i wasn't up to scratch at
and i had some pretty random thoughts too....
ever realised that you never see the
number 24 on a 24 hour clock?
ever thought that THERAPIST
oh yeah, and another minor thing...i almost got myself run
over...the car kinda had to swerve to avoid me, my only
thought was 'damn, maybe next time he'll be closer'