Amnesia

dude
2002-09-08 01:58:02 (UTC)

What would you do when your father tells you he wants to commit suicide?

It happened just now. I really don't know how to react.
When it comes to things like emotions; death or love, they
come as though it's not even there. Here's the story though:

My dad and mom have been arguing lately about everything.
Eventually it always comes back to him not contributing to
the family at all. He sais that all she wants is money from
him. That she can't get enough. She sais that it's not like
she's getting money from him to buy herself something.
She's just trying to split payments with him. Like urging
him to pay for the Altima, the light bill, atleast1/2 of
the rent. He never thinks can be his fault so he starts
talking about everything that's wrong with the house, the
family e.t.c... That's how the conversation ends. It's
always like that.

A year ago mom kept saying to me that he's irrisponcible
and once he gets a check, he spends it on lotto and then
sais he doesn't have enough for payments. (Which is very
true and irrisponcible on his part.) So when she was
talking to me over a year ago, (It's been about exactly a
year and a month or so.) she told me that, that is it. She
will tell him that he is gonna have to pay for 1/2 the
rent, and their gonna split the other bills as well. She
thought that this will make him responcible, and I
encouraged her. I thought it would make him responcible
too. Well, it didn't. For the past year he lost his will to
live. Now that he's a diabetic he wants to finish himself
off. Recently I've been thinking that he is acting like he
doesn't wanna live anymore. Well, today he told me that.

He asked me to drive him to Osco. (Since he drank a little
before.) So I said okay, since I thought that this way
maybe he'll contribute to the cash I need to pay fairly
soon to take the ACT and SAT. (About $50 total.) When we
were heading back he said that he bought Vodka. I said:
Here we go again. His drinking cycle is starting all over
again. He said that maybe it won't. That since he is a
diabetic, he wants to drink hard until he goes into a coma.
Last time he drank, he almost did it. But I don't know was
that purposely or not. His sugar level was 685. The normal
is 70-75. It starts getting risky once you have 125. The
doc said that it's a weird thing that he didn't go into a
coma then.

I didn't know what to say. We don't have a very good
communication. No one has a good communication with him. He
called mom a worm. That hurt. I understand what he's going
through, and if it were someone else I'd suggest they make
their last days special, and care about the after life
more. But I can't tell him that partially because he thinks
I'm Christian, but mainly cause I don't want my dad dead.
I'm not good at talking people off suicide. I'm more one to
agree with them, and not scare them off or anger them
before. I didn't know how to feel, and I definatly didn't
know what to say, or even how to begin. He's not gonna
change. I tried to get involved and talk to him time and
time again. But he's selfish and blind. He doesn't see that
it's not always everyone else that's wrong. Many, many
times it is him. He can't change. I didn't know what to say
to convince him not to do it. If I got involved over and
over again and it ended in failiure and him just keeping
talking aggrivatedly, then I thought it would be better not
to speak. So I made myself get emotional. To think of it as
a normal person. I started crying basically. Also making it
seem as though I wouldn't want him to see. But I did want
him to see. It slightly effected my driving and
concentration. Changed my voice slightly. So he asked me
what's wrong. I told him, what do you think? Nothing is
wrong, except my father just told me he wants to commit
suicide. His reply was: Well, I don't wanna commit suicide,
I want it to be natural so that you guys will get some
money off of it to barrie me and some for yourself as well.

He's almost 50. One of our owners has a way of telling
fortune. So once she was telling us how old we are gonna be
when we die. He ended up being about 74. He didn't believe
that, that's how old he will end up being.

I thought Arthur would be home so I could tell him. But
he's not. I called Danish at work for advice, but his cell
is busy. Dad told me not to tell anyone about what he said.
I don't know what to do. I wish I could call my best friend
right now. But she's in Callifornia and I don't have a
phone card. Or she might be at work where I can't reach her
even if I could call long distance. I was hoping that if I
get online Teresa might be there, but just like I thought,
she's not. I only had one friend online but he left right
after he said hi. This officially ruins my evening and my
day. I'm gonna call Danish again. Bye

-Amnesia

P.S. The reason he bought the Vodka now was cause today
they got in an argument and she said that he better be out
by the 1st since he can only give 150$ to a $800 dollar
split rent. I just wanna get to college to get away from
all this