*a*v*e* tHe uNbLoNdE bEaUtY

tHe iNvIsIbLe gUrL
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2002-09-07 18:19:15 (UTC)

one for the gipper

soccer game today--we won! its exciting. i like winning.
boys team won too. max had both goals for the victory. i'm
so proud of him this year. he's really trying-- he's doing
all his homwork, and i want to tell him that i'm proud and
all, but its weird. i guess i dont know how. we kind of
walked right by each other after the games--he was hugging
angela. i didnt want to interrupt. after our game on
thursday, he as only hugging his ex-girlfriends and
playtoys--emily, erika, angela, and janice. i didnt fit
into either category, so i didnt get in the way then
either. god knows how i'm going to not kill myself in the
next two years. its seems that whatever he thinks i want,
he avoids even more--when he thought i liked him liked him,
he avoided me almost completely. now he thinks/knows i
want to be his friend, and nothing more, it seems like he's
avoiding that too. i'm waiting for him to find a serious
gf--i know i'll get jealous, but it'll be an opportunity
for him to prove that he wants to talk to me. and if he
doesnt--well, i just wasted a whole lot of time, didn't i?
how did i get here? i start out with a happy go lucky win
for the WHMS girls varsity soccer, and then i get to being
amd at max. hmm, i really need some helP! i would like to
stay close to him and the majority of my friends in
college, but i feel like if i get away from them, my life
will be so much more content--and when i'm gone, they'll
realize how much they miss me. well, thats what i want
them to realize. but then i think that if i do get away,
i'll never get back--and i'll never get them back. there's
such a big world out there--how can i compete with 10
million gorgeous blondes? i can't even compete with 10. i
dont know what i'm ever going to do. i start applying at
colleges next year. i'm terrified--that all that i've done
won't be good enough. that i'll never get out of vermont.
that my sats wont be high enough. that i wont get enough
scholarship money. that i'll fail the second i step into a
real school. that i wont even get accepted to a school.
i'm so racked and scared. i have a lot of homework, and a
lot of stuff to do in 48 hours. i'm out.