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2002-09-07 00:39:24 (UTC)

so i got really bad last night...

so i got really bad last night.
too many people read this, so im not going into detail.
but i cant do this again.
you know.
i just fucking cant.
i cant let myself.

i didnt sleep last night.

i just woke up from a semi nap.
im freezing.

im hungry.
and thats a good thing.

i ate as much as i could at lunch.
but after so long without it.
i couldnt do it very well.

she called while i was there.
she has no idea.
and i dont think she even cares.
i told her i was sad.
and her response was anger.
"that makes ME feel like shit"
im sorry.
im truely sorry.
so now not her not fucking ANYone will have to be bothered
with me when im sad.
what was i thinking you know.
who the hell am i.

i dont want to talk to her.

i dont want to talk to her until im okay with the fact
that her doing "whatever" with "a bunch of people"
is "none of my business".

im not her mother.

and because im not her mother i shouldnt have done a lot
of the things that i have done for her in the past.
i shouldnt. but i wanted to. so i did.

i swear i feel like such shit right now i just want to
fucking not be able to feel anymore.

i cant take one more talk with her being rude to me.
unappreciative. and apathetic.

she wouldnt meet me half way on her birthday.
its like some grand metaphorical way to view it all.

after so much that weve had together. so much love man. so
much. after all of that.

i dont want to talk to her until ive burried a lot of my
because it hurts me too much to have them.

i really thought you know. i really fucking thought so
and realizing that im fighting an uphill battle with this.

but its fine.
its fine.

i am so emotionally drained.

ive given everything and i feel like such a disappointment.
to her. to me. to everything.

im late for meeting people.