September 6, 2002
It's going on two in the morning and I still can't sleep.
God...the whole idea of this pain free thing almost
sux...I'm so scared of having pain again. And anyway, the
feeling of guilt still plauges me, although i'm slowly
getting over it.
But my big problem is ron (name changed to protect the
inocent). He's my boyfriend :) He's really good to
me...maybe too good....too good to be true? I don't know.
I want this to be real so bad but I don't want to get my
hopes up to high. Lord knows I've done that before.
Here at college, life kinda is at a stand still between me
and certain friends who shall remain nameless. I would
like to be her friend again for god knows what reason, but
frankly with everyone talking about her I feel more and
more like I want to avoid her. But then I look like the
bad one. I hear her voice and auto-matically turn. Then
she says "Hi" like we're the best of friends. And then she
says I'm "allowed" to sit at a lunch to her as long as I
don't talk to her. Fuck that. But then there is vicky
(name changed). She really is cool....but she hangs out
with you know who way too often. GRAH! I don't get how
anybody could like her.....
maybe I could actually getting some sleep now, since I
have to be up in FIVE HOURS. I'll write here again
sometime maybe.....if i'd like.....oh well...if anybody
has a comment they are free..though i doubt it. oh well.