Venus

I Used to be...Now I don't know
2002-09-05 21:18:09 (UTC)

I'm Gonna Be Sick...

I just found out my ex-boyfriend is going to become a
father. I feel like I'm made of lead. He was the first
person I ever found REAL, heart-stopping love with. Plus
it's with a woman he told me, many times, he didn't wan't
to be with at all. I feel like I'm going to be sick, or
pass out, cry... Maybe all three. Jesus... She's going to
have his child... He and I talked about having children.
I'm not sure how I really feel. I feel numb, like my head
is underwater... Like... it can't be real. As much as I
love Shea, there's still a part of me that felt maybe this
guy and I would get back together, and it'd be as beautiful
as it was in the begining... I want to just snap out of
it, but I don't, at the same time. I want to figure out
what I'm feeling... Thena, Rora, you knew the most about
our relationship, you must know who I'm talking about, my
angel, my December, what do you think? Thena, can you talk
to him for me? Maybe?
Jesus... It's a boy. I bet it'll look just like him... Now
I'm really gonna cry... I feel... alone. I don't know who
to turn to... I want to talk to Shea. Only because he's
my lover now, and could take my mind off of how much I
loved this other man. But I can't talk to him right now...
Oh God, shit. Just shit.




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