Deacon Frost

He just killed you!...Honey, the butler's dead.

Wow, haven't written in this thing since my birthday. That
was quite a while ago. It's not that nothing's happened to
me, quite the opposite actually. So much ill shit has been
going on in my sad pathetic little world, I haven't had
time to turn around.

I can't divulge everything in a singular entry, but I will
hit the high notes. The night of the birthday was the
Garbage concert, which has to date, been the singular good
thing to happen to me this year. It's all been downhill
from there.

I've been continuing with therapy, and have started group
sessions, I guess not really much to say there. The
medication's groovy though. Right after my birthday, I
started seeing a this chicka, well, Rachel, seriously.
Unfortunately, that worked as well as I thought it would,
and it only lasted two months. I'm not really crying over
spilt milk, it just wasn't meant to be.

Soon afterwards though, something happened to me that I
thought was a great thing, initially that is. I bought a
car. Not some sex sleek new car mind you, that's just not
my style. Instead I opted for mass...mass and luxury, in a
twenty year old Lincoln. I had wanted one of these cars
since before I was driving, more than ten years ago. I got
the car for less than a thousand dollars, and it was in
great shape, relatively speaking. I took the car to garage
to have a few of the minor things fixed, and picked it up a
week or so later. The next day, while on my way to get it
inspected, this jackass doctor who was late to a
conference, t-bones me and the car going about fifty. I
got the roller coaster ride, turning about 180 degrees
across five lanes of road as I was hit. If I wouldn't have
been is such a huge old car, the police told me I probably
wouldn't have walked away from the accident.

But did it really matter? A ten year dream literally
crushed. It was just enough for me to get a taste of
happiness before it could be violently torn away from me.

Just like everything else.

When everything you work for, and everything you strive for
is always denied you...what do you do?

When can you end it?