Life as I know it.
2001-07-20 08:25:22 (UTC)

such is life

TOnight I went to M, formerly Metropool to all you
PIttburghers out there. Had lots of fun, saw lots of
friends and the such...supported the Pittsburgh AIDS task
force too so I did something good for the world. I
sometimes think that stuff like this may be my true
calling, I know I know it sounds weird butI want to
interract with the community to help them. Its dumb
sometimes to think that maybe I can help people when
sometimes I cannot even help myself but truly this is the
kind of work I would be really happy doing, now im beating
myself up for not going into social work. If I truly want
to do this I can, and will.

I also realized that im probbly better withou matt, I have my friends
love and so fuck him, my friends mean more to me than someone who
constantly bitches me out for my feelings, my friends love me for who
the hell i am. And I love them for who they are bitchy or not.
Always have always will. I need no one but my friends and myself.
LIke what was I even thinking for being with Matt? He wants to stay
in this shithole of a city and I want out. And I am getting out,
that offer of livin with Alan is getting better and better. He is
givingme the opportunity to follow my dreams of getting out. And i
know i can get out. I have the will and the urge to do something,
something so much better with my life. ANd I will do it, cause
everything happens for a reason right? ANother one of my Alon's (yes
spelled with an O) told me tat everything happens for a reason, he is
totally right. So I made the big mistake of sleepig with matt, but
hell it was my closure. And I am moving on, fast. NOt by random
dating or hooking up but discovering who I, Jenn ********, really
is. And what i really want. What Iwant now is just to live life and
have fun while doing it, not worrying if I should stay in a place
that im totally unhappy in just to make someone happy....no I am
making myself happy but trying not to hurt anyone in the process. I
am me, love me or hate me for who I am, and Im going to make the most
out of life, whatever it may be. Before matt I was a good person who
knew what she wanted and wouldnt compromise her happiness, then i
dated him and changed, im bitter that i tried to change to suit him,
eventhough he never noticed. I am giong back to being me, good and
bad, and succeeding and being happy. Cause if you'renot happy how
can you help anyone else including yourself? You cant. So im just
having fun til something comes along that I can conquer.

Love Jenn

PS--tell your friends youlove them someime, if they ask tell them
that some girl told you to always tell people you truly love that you
do love them. Its nice, and its always nice to hear that they feel
the same way, cause hell, if they are your friends they will always
be your friends, though thick and thin, when you think that life is
ging bad, just hang out with your friends, it helps it really does,
and promise me that you will always be there for someone when they
need you cause you know you will be for them.