2001-07-20 05:49:09 (UTC)


for the past few weeks i've been feeling aweful but today
things are starting to look up. i called to make an
appointment with a councellor last week, because i spent
that whole day crying for no reason. i get like that
sometimes and i don't know if i'm depressed or if i'm just
feeling down. i went to see her today. she asked me a few
questions and decided that i was depressed. i don't know
if i really am. i think that i get very sad sometimes and
that i might be very close to being depressed. it comes
and it goes. i feel down now but it'll get better later.
it always does. i haven't given up hope yet. i don't want
to hurt myself or anything like that when i'm sad. i don't
know if that makes a difference, if i would still be
depressed if i didn't want to hurt myself. the thing is
that i don't like the way my life is right now. i'm not
happy and i haven't been happy in months.

she told me that i should write in a journal whenever i'm
sad. i will be able to see what makes me unhappy and it'll
be easier for me to change and make things better.

i wish that things were different for me. i wish that i
didn't have to live my life the way i've been living it. i
wish that i'd smile at myself more when i look in the
mirror. i wish that my family got along a little better.
i wish that my friends would be here for me when i need
them. i wish that my boyfriend understood me and listened
to me a little more.

i don't know if these wishes will ever come true. i don't
know if it would make a difference if they did.