2001-07-20 05:07:29 (UTC)

moving on

people look at me.
and tell me
in all seriousness.
"things change ashley."
nothing stays the same.
you know.
FOR REAL people?
well SHIT
you just made everything so much better...
you know.
thank you.
thank you for being the 117th person.
in my life.
to say that EXACT phrase to me.
thank you.
i feel great now.
and shit, i can move on.
you know?
JUST because you say stupid trite shit like that to me.
=) lol. jesus.
even my friends are retarded now.
i guess thats just a blatant way of expressing JUST how
greatly things DO change.
=) you know.
i want to get out of here.
i HAVE to get out of here.
i CANT take this stupid crap anymore. i mean HOW am i
supposed to deal with it? ignore it? remove myself from
everyone and everything. just go to work and come home and
get on my little computer and be very happy about it. the
computer is so great. theres no bullshit here. you know...i
mean i guess that there is but theres less. and if you dont
like the bullshit. you block people. heh. and then you dont
have to worry about it ever again. or deal with it. its not
like theyre going to show up at your house at 6 in the
morning with a cup of coffee and be like, hey ashley.
forgive me because i brought you coffee because you like
it. and therefore, i am NO longer an asshole. lol. jesus
fucking christ people.
anyway, moving on. you know. like i am supposed to do. lol.
someone interesting replied on this...=) and it made me
im listening to paula abdul lol. i am SO cool. =)

i wish that i could talk to shannon...its been about two
days now.
i hope mommys alright. shes still in the hospital...its
weird. my father has been talking to me. lol. yeah. now
apparently hes decided since im going through all of this
with my mother. that NOW hes going to civil. lol. its
amazing what it takes for people to care. or pretend that
they do...you know. we actually used to be really close.
until i came out when i was 13. after that i was just a
dyke bitch. lol. amusing isnt it. conditional love. yeah i
mean, wouldnt you think that parents would love their
children through everything. i know i would...i love most
people through everything. even when i dont agree with it.
and fuck man its not like im all oh dad, youre straight.
and you know. im not. so, yeah. youre wrong and im going to
hate you for it. lol whatever man. hes miserable anyway. i
dont need to let him affect me. its not worth it. he may
have had some part to do with my birth and all that. but he
doesnt know me. at all. and he never will. because HE
doesnt want to. lol. its sick. but then again, its his
choice. and we all make choices. its just a little upseting
that he has thown me away you know. because, i had so much
to offer him. but..yet again in my life. there is nothing
that i personally can do about it. so i suppose its best
not to dwell. right? =) the whole moving on thing comes in
to play here..right people?
im eating a whole bag of sour cream and onion potato chips.
=) and im happy about it.