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2001-07-20 02:58:58 (UTC)


Wednesday, May 30, 2001
Somebody has to tell me what’s wrong.
I just figured out today that I really don’t want
to do anything (careerically speaking) that has anything to
do with bossing other people around, getting bossed around,
or has to do with any politics of any kind. Do you know
where I can find a job like that?
I was at work, as usual (I’ll be working 12-14 hour
days for about 3 weeks), and Tony, the tech, comes up to me
and tells me all of these different things I should be
doing, and how I should be doing what I should be doing,
and how I should be treating my underlings (I got
underlings! That’s not the point though) and I just got
pissed. I was going to tell him off, but then I thought
about working here for another year and paying for school,
but then I thought about not getting any work experience in
my field…it just turned into a big mess in my head.
That’s when I decided that I don’t want to ever
think about that stuff ever again. I don’t want to think
about how I should be treating other people professionally
compared to personally, I don’t want to think about how I
should tell off someone, I don’t want to think about when I
should fit in personal time in an ever-increasingly
demanding work environment. I just don’t.
I have to think of what to do then. I want to
create, I know that. I’m good at teaching, but you always
have to answer to somebody for that and you always have to
play around with some sort of politics.
So, I guess the question is, do I want to be a
writer, do I want to be an artist, or do I want to be
both? They will all take a while to establish, and they
all come with a certain air of nerdom. Unless you’re
really good at it, which I am not (yet). If I’m a comic
book guy, I could make some real advancements in the field,
some real leaps and bounds and critical acclaim, I know
that. But it takes a lot of time and I have to do a lot of
stuff that I don’t want to do (like answer to an editor,
get a deadline, or if I start my own company, have some
start-up capital). Also, the market is falling apart
(Marvel is at 3.5 on the NYSE). If I’m a writer, it will
take a lot of time before anyone will take me seriously
because there are so many wannabees out there right now. I
think I could potentially be really good at it, but it
would take awhile. Same way with being an artist. I could
never really be as popular as I should be because there is
just so much out there and nothing is really considered as
good anymore. I don’t think I could change anything.
So I guess comic book guy it is.
I wonder if I have the balls to do it.
Maybe I should just start out making a name for
myself, or start out being an inker or something just to
get the hang of the biz.
Who knows….