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2001-07-19 23:11:48 (UTC)

gay? LOL

I realize things when it is too late, like I was a victim
of a wife beater and going thru the circle of repeat. I
never burn bridges and I felt like I was a better person
because I never did so. I always give everyone more than
enough chances to repent thier previous asholeness. So I
decided to give Tony another chance but not to go as far as
I was with him before..lining together. 4 months had passed
between us, I had told him about the new man I was seeing,
and how he treated me like a godess. Alan knew how to talk
and touch a woman and he acted as practicaly a slave to me.
I told Tony this in between tears and he hung up the
telephone and 4 months passed with no word. I found that he
had hacked into my ICQ chat and changed my profile to being
a slut and a nympho and all single men to come to my adress
which he posted. That was a major hit to me personaly as I
have a 2 year old, and I protect her like a momma lion.
Thank god it was my friend's adress whom I wasn't living
with but the fear for her saftey grew. I heard of the death
in his family, an uncle and I knew that it was time to call
and put it all behind us. In the process, I lost my Alan,
he could't take that I was seeing him again in a total
plutonic way and stole pain killers from me to get high. We
broke up and I realized during this whole ordeal that I
still loved that Tony. He had been with another woman for a
whole month and decided that he loved her...until she went
back to her husband and tony called me at 3 in the morning
drunk as hell and cursing kicking and punching cars. I
wanted to take his pain away, but it was something that he
had caused on his own. A few days later we made love ..he
professed that he too still loved me and I thought it was a
magical night..He told me when we were done that he had a
hard time keeping her face out of his mind and remembering
that he was making love to me. He soon moved to Arizona
where his mother lives and he proclaimed that he needed to
clear his head, I begged him to stay and that I love
him..He left anyways. I then got over him a great deal I
felt as though he had left me for good. He called me almost
everyday for a month and finally after losing his job he
came back, he asked me to marry him, and I was stunned.
Used to the fact that he wasn't comming back, what do I
say? We agreed to see eachother and make love but take it
slow getting back to where we together. So he
moved in with my cousin. I quickly remembered what it was
like to be in a relatonship with him and I got bitter.
Constant arguing and he accusing me of not loving him was
all I could take. I couldn't remember what I had seen in
him that made me fall so hard?? He was a wife beater and
looking for a fool. I would not be taken for one. The best
I had ever had in bed I held on to him. Then I went to go
see him one night and he broke the camel's back. He told me
that he was gay, and he was sick of my games. He was REAL
good friend's with my cousin's friend and she is married
and has 3 kids, but god gave me the gift of seeing thru
bullshit..Later than night after telling me he was gay
because of what I had done to him he fucked that chick in
my cousin's house. Great to know that I was probably
sleeping with her germs too for god knows how long. I was
sick to my stomech to think that he was lying to sleep with
a married chick. O well...I did sleep with Alan during that
time, and he turned my whole opinion of tony around in bed.
LOL..I am a bich ...LOL