My life
2002-09-03 20:35:11 (UTC)

*.* Great Day! till i hear....the news*.*

Ok today i had a really good day. It went by really fast,
but Tim wasnt there. UHH i like him so much, I thought
about him all day long! He needs to come to school. Okay,
anyways, about the news... Im at ekerds afterschool and i
see Capri...dirtball who kissed brant and i told her if she
touched him again, i would beat her ass...ok neways i asked
her to come inside w/ me and she was like "casey ive gotta
tell you something" and i was like "what" and she was
like "brant supposly had sex with this Michelle grl" and i
mean at first it didnt really bother me, but then i started
to think about it, and it makes me really mad to think
about it. I mean im trying to get over him, and i really
like Tim. A lot, but i mean i still love Brant, whether or
not I'm in love with him, thats a different story. But i
feel like i've grown a lot, i mean if this would have
happened in like May or so, i would have broke down in
Eckerds and started to cry infront of everyone and started
2 plan out the girls death..thats just how i was. But i
mean im moving on, yah im always going to remember Brant, i
mean ive spent almost four years of my life in love with
him, ive spent endless nights thinking about him and crying
over the things he does to me, ive written about 1000
poems, given up chances with really great guys because of
him. Been depressed in what is suppose to be some of the
happiest years of my life. No more! I can't do it anymore,
i'm going to mend my heart, and love another. Yah i'll
admit thats going to be hard as hell. But i cant worry
about him anymore, all he does is make my life a living
hell. Thats all!! I tried to kill myself over that
boy..that right there should slap me in the face and
say "hey bitch this isnt the way to live your life. uve
gotta move on" and finally that happened. I mean the boy
took my virginity.. and like 2 days later he hooked up with
Jamie shenck like I didn't even matter, and a few weeks
after that he told me how annoying i was and how he didn't
give a fuck about me. How can he treat people like that? I
mean that day is going to stick in my head like white on
rice, everytime i see my white botton up shirt, or red
cheerleading shorts, honestly everytime it rains, i'll
think about it. Thats just a way of life. Right? I think
I'm making the right decision. The healthy decision. I can
already tell when i get older i'm going to have to do
therapy because of this shit but thats ok. I hate to say it
but if i was to change anything about the last 3 years, i
wouldnt change anything. Loving Brant was an expierence
that has tought me a lot of thing in
paticular.. Not everyone is perfect, Not everyone is going
to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, but if you
truely love them..You'll treat them good. Thats what i did,
thats what ive gone through..I pray that no1, not ONE
person has to go through the pain, n sadness that ive gone