Jess's Journal
Ad 2:
2002-09-02 21:28:43 (UTC)


ok so maybe i don't really hate him. it's just so
upsetting. i wish he'd just forgive me. i mean.. i care
about him so much and not being able to really tell if he
actually cares for me stinks. so my cuz's were cheering me
up last night. only one thing could really do that though
but they did do a good job, even though it was temporary.
see the thing is i could forgive him for anything he could
ever do to me and i did forgive him for amanda but he won't
forgive me for this one thing that i did before we really
got to know each other. i can see his point of view and i'd
prolly be mad but not for more than one day. i don't want
to get rid of his pics cuz i still love him and all..it's
just so hard. and to top that..he said he'd protect me and
i really need that right now..cuz my real dad is in jail
and i found out the real reason why..and it's because he
molested his neice and if he could do that to her..he could
always come after me when he gets out and matt has helped
me through so much. even the biggest step of my life and i
just need him. i'm scared and i need him to be able to
tell me that he loves me and that i'll be ok..and he could
forgive the only lie i ever told him cuz i didn't lie about
anything else and i've never loved anyone this much. even
if someone gave me a choice either for me to live and him
to die or to give my life for him, i would..in a
heartbeat..seriously.. the only thing that changed was the
way he pictured me..i'm still the same girl he liked. that
he cared for. i just wish he could forgive me. matt if ur
reading this, i truly am sorry.