Blaze

about me
2002-09-02 16:23:52 (UTC)

Depressed to the point of death.

Im like so very depressed right now. I have had these ears
that like curve ever since I was born. They like like the
letter C. I have always been made fun of about them. One
time to the point I was beatup. I have never had a real
girlfriend because of them. I mean what girl in her right
mind would want to go out with a freak like me. Well then
one day I met the most wonderful girl in the world. I loved
her and I thought she loved me. Ashley was the one who I
thought would save me from killing myself. Well she did.
But lastnight I was talking to her on the phone and out of
no where she starts talking about my ears. How fuckedup
they are and so on. So I have given up. Girls seem so mean
to me anymore. I mean the only thing wrong with me are my
ears.I could get them fixed. But I don't have the money it
takes. I have ran out of reasons to live now. God has
turned his back on me. I just want someone to talk to and
someone to love. Who will love me back. I don't count on
that happening tho. I was praying lastnight to god. I asked
him why did you do this to me. What do I ever do to you. I
have no friends. I just want a friend who likes me for me.
Not because of my ears. Is that too much to ask! I have
always gone by the rule, "treat others the way you want to
be treated" it has never worked for me. I treat others with
kindness and respect. But what do I get?! Made fun of,
beatup. It just seems that everyone else has it way better
then me. I mean the one time I did standup for myself the
kid beat my head into the ground laughing and saying Die
EARS! Yep that was my name, "Ears". It hurt so much when
people called me that. Why did I have to be hurt like that.
Why did I have to find Ashley and think life was going to
get better. Then only to find that I could never be so
lucky as to have someone so special. I mean it I loved
Ashley so much. She was like Maybe you should just die and
get it over with. I hear those words running through my
mind over and over. I just can't stop crying. what the fuck
did I do to have this happen to me! So I guess the only way
out of this is for me to kill myself. Atleast then I would
not have to go through the pain anymore. When I was a kid I
never cared about my ears. I mean I thought "They are just
ears! Who will care if they don't look the same?" But boy
was I wrong. They all cared, and everyone let me know it
too. I use to be so strong. But Im sick of being strong.
Maybe they are right, maybe Iam just a freak who needs to
die. I just pray for friends. Thats all I want is someone
to be my friend. But who would be friends with a freak. Who
would call me just to talk. Unless they where calling to
make fun of me. =( Well I have to go now. Not that anyone
really cares.

-Depressed/sick of life


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