Melly

Does this thing come with a manual?
2002-09-02 08:11:12 (UTC)

September 1st 2002

Funny how 24 years ago on this date my mom was getting
prepared for labor to happen 23 days from now. She told me
she would sit around the house naked eating eggs and
drinking soda cause it was so hot. And look it is still hot
to this day. It was a record 105 here today and man I felt
none of it. Had the air on all day. I was suppose to be
born on the 24th but stayed in for another 36 hours cause I
was too scared to come out. No I think I was lazy. Got to
comfy in that placenta. Maybe I wanted to be born when
other people died. The famous PSA flight crash happened the
day I was born. That's something I want to remember every
year. I guess next year there will be a 25th anniversary or
whatever.

I wonder how it will be this year? My birthday was a
horrific experience last year with the whole getting dumped
and losing my best friend all in that one month span. I
wonder if I will have a great time and enjoy my time? Will
I sit around at home doing nothing? I may go out and do
some celebrating. I always complain about the clubs, yet
show my face there when I need to dance or have fun. I read
this article about our clubs in the bi weekly mag. The
writer talked about how awful our clubs treated outsiders
during pride events. How weird that showing local pride was
taken to that extreme. The clubs we have here are weak
compared to other clubs. I rank our lesbian scene as weak
and overrated. I had a better time in Ohio. But I am sure I
will step my size 10 feet in there many times again. And I
am sure I will complain about it too.

I am still trying to figure out how I am going to use my
new toy. Especially after my time of the month. OMG I feel
like a dog in heat. I will feel real weird laying in my bed
and trying to figure out how to stimulate myself. My
neighbors will probably throw things at their walls or
floors. hehe. I'm not a screamer. Not yet anyway. But I do
love a good moan now and then. Makes me even more
stimulated. Okay enough. Getting myself all pumped up.

My sis starts school on Tuesday. I am so scared to leave
her. She will have to make all new friends and get adjusted
to having a whole new life. I can't say how many times I
wish I could tell her that this may be permanent. That mom
is not thinking of taking her back now that she is free. I
so wish that I could make her see what kind of person she
really is. But then I think back to when I was in this very
same place. All I could see was mom. How much I loved her
and just wanted to be by her side. Makes me tear up just
thinking about it. In some small way, I hate her. I am so
bitter towards her I don't think I will ever come out of
it. Only time can heal I guess. Maybe when I'm 30.

This is a long fucking entry. My mind has all these
different thoughts running through it. Like I haven't
talked to MC in almost two weeks. I want to call her, but
giving that sorry lie helps me to not give in. I guess if
she really wanted to talk to me, she would call. It's
better this way anyway. No communication for a long while.
She can be free of me, and I can move on. Still I think I
will never let her go. Of course, when my first
relationship comes around, I will probably forget all about
her.

All the great talks we had on the phone. All the times we
spent complaining about our high phone bills and still
racking up the totals cause it didn't really matter. The
times we tried to talk about sex and somehow ended up
laughing our asses off cause we sounded so stupid. That
first kiss we shared that seemed to knock me off my feet
and never recover. The time we rode in her car and she held
my hand the whole 6 hour ride to St. Louis. And all the in
between. Oh well, it's just a memory now. Something to
think about when MJ and I have that long conversation about
our relationships ten years from now at Denny's. hehe.

Let me finish this up and take my ass to sleep. I can't
seem to start this 6 30 am routine no matter what I do.
This first few weeks will be a bitch. Good bye 9 am hello
sleepyhead 6 30. Until next time.....




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