The mediocrity that is me
2002-09-02 07:22:50 (UTC)

chronology of drunken party life.

So. It has been a crazy past two days of partying.
Actual, hardcore, partying. Well, the second night was
anyway. Thursday night we headed out to the frat houses.
Yup, good old Jewish frat parties. Anthony called me up
and said "do you want to get drunk tonight?" Did I want
to get drunk tonight. Fuck yeah, I did. So I walk over
to his dorm room and hang out with him and joel for a
while, and then waiting for someone to call or something.
And then we left. Filled with high hopes and dreams of
drunken escapades. Good times.

Unfortunately, the beer doesn't arrive at frat houses
until late. Very late. We stood there for an hour and a
half waiting for the kegs to show up kind of late. Which
they eventually did, thank the deity of choice. And we ---
me, anthony, joel, and jeff --- proceed to fill up on the
free beer. I had around four beers. My god, may I just
interject here and say that jeff is quite possibly the
most beautiful person I have seen in a long time?
Absolutely gorgeous. Anyway, that night was kind of
boring, anthony and jeff end up pretty trashed, i'm the
most sober one there. We go back to the dorms. The end.

The next night, I go out with anthony, matt, and nick.
Another frat party. We had one cup of bitter beer and
left to go somewhere with nick. Somewhere where they had
hard alcohol. And nick the sober actually pulled
through. Hooray! I got trashed. T-r-a-s-h-e-d.
Trashed. Thank the fucking deity of choice again. I
found my perfect amount of alcohol to drink. I had three
shots, a beer, and some bicardi in my gatorade. I had the
perfect drunkeness going on. And no huge hangover like I
had the other night. Beautiful.

And then anthony and I ended up walking back with some guy
named felix, whose phone number i have in my phone, but i
was too drunk to be able to push the right letters, so it
says something like "ffkk" in the entry. Yeah. And then
we smoked a cigarette or something like that --- I'm not
too sure because things got really hazy for a while.

But hazy in the "yay, I'm drunk" sort of way --- not in
the "i've passed out" sort of way. Good hazy. Fun hazy.
Drunken hazy. I remember going back up to anthony's room
with him --- i can't remember how or why. Anyway, I'm the
lesser drunk of the two --- or i can at least pretend to
be the lesser drunk --- so I end up supporting anthony as
we attempt to walk wherever it is we are walking. God,
but anthony is so great --- in so many ways. So for some
reason we end up on the floor in his living room, and
fuck, but i was plastered, and he tries kissing me. And i
totally freaked out, and what do I do? I start crying.

I love anthony to death and back, i really do. i honestly
wanted to lie there on the floor and make out with him
like no other all night ---- more than you could possibly
know. But i am sick and tired of taking advantage of
myself when i'm drunk. I'm sick of being that girl that
everyone gets with when drunk. I hate it. I hate knowing
that the only time i've ever been kissed has been when
i've had some amount of alcohol in me. I am terrified of
kissing someone sober. Absolutely petrified. So instead
of 'enjoying the moment' i flipped out, lay there in self-
pity and cried for a few minutes in some strange, drunken
confusion. Fuck me for doing that.

And then we finally found chris. And took anthony back to
his dorm room. And left him passed out on his bed. And
then I started getting more and more sober and somehow, we
ran into chris's friend jeff. That's right --- jeff. The
jeff. The beautiful, gorgeous jeff. And we slept in his
room last night. And I slept in his bed. Inches away
from one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen.
It was great, i tell you. I could have reached out and
touched him --- and damn, did i want to. Wow. He's the
kind of guy I look at and can imagine this wonderful life
with. I can't describe it. It's fucking insane, and I
know it.