Calyn

Damn you suck!

July 19, 2001

I just cant sleep…I know I know, the story of my life
right? And oh big surprise it’s because I am thinking
about him again. I cant help it really. I have been
listening to the cd he asked me to make for him and on it
are all the songs that he sang to me in the car. I lie
there listening to them and pretend that he is here
watching me sleep. Like the time we were at Franco’s
house and I went to take a nap and he sat there and watched
me. I woke up and he was staring at me....usually i would
be really freaked out that sombody saw me the whole time i
was sleeping but somthing about it made me fell really
good. I mean not many people would find me captivating
while i snored ( i don't really snore by the way). It has
been a month and a half since he went back home to saudi
arabia and i havent heard from him in a long time. Today
his screen name popped up on my computer and it took me a
long time just to type the word hello. It's like i want
him to make the first move and by me writting first i am
showing some kind of weakness. It sounds dumb i know but
thats how i feel. Anyway he didnt respond. Either i am
totally being ignored or one of his friends was on his
Sdreen name again and they dont speek english. Oh well, i
really need to stop making excuses for him and face up to
the fact that i let my guard down to care about sombody and
i got hurt. And he is not coming back. Damn he sucks! I cant
believe i fell for this love stuff. yet i still have some things to
ask him. like if he is really engaged like his friend said. All i
know is sombody is lying to me and i hate lyers. All i know is he
sucks....everybody just sucks!