The Crumb That Fell
2002-08-31 08:16:39 (UTC)

A Time For Noise

August 31 - 3:48 AM

It's always hard to deal with death, I suppose. It's
painful, we all know that. My friend's father died last
night. I never knew him, but that almost makes me feel even
worse about all of this. I don't know what to say or what
to do to make everything better. I wish I did. I wish, more
that anything, that I could take on other people's pain
just so they weren't feeling it.

I guess it's only natural to start thinking about yourself
once you hear news like this. I hate it, but it's true. I
literally thank God (just in case) that it wasn't one of
the people I care about more than anything. That it wasn't
my mom, my brother, or even my father. Subtract any family
member, and I don't know what I would do. That it wasn't
one of my friends whom I love so dearly. Losing anyone like
that would be like *literally* loosing a piece of myself.
Hell, even if it was my dog, I'd be in terrible shape. When
I was little I used to tell my mom that I hoped I would die
before she did. I still, even more now than before, feel
that way. And I feel that way about everyone in my life. I
think, when it comes down to it, I'd even take a bullet for
most of them.

So... cool. I guess there's nothing you can do about this
death thing. Maybe one day, though. Supposedly God is going
to invite some of us to live with him for 1,000 years in
this perfect world. I mean, obviously I won't be one of
those people, but that gives someone something to look
forward to. There's a start.