a freak with a heart
2002-08-31 07:21:30 (UTC)

don't read this

don't read this!

i want to die

i don't know what to do anymore.

im so cold that im shaking

i don't want to be angry, but i am
i don't want him to be cold, but he is
i want him to understand, understand that i've never been
hurt this way.

understand that being cold like this only makes me cry.
makes me feel alone.

i want someone to hold me. rock me in their arms and take
away the pain. to stop the tears from flowing down my face.

i don't need somone to treat me like a child. or call me
names. but someone to understand me and be patient with me.
to sit there and let me say how i feel then tell me it's
ok. that everything will be ok.

that it will be ok.

i've been hurt, and im trying to repair myself, all by
myself. im so alone. i feel wrong, that it's wrong for me
to be hurt.

i don't want to hurt. i don't want to be angry.

so you would think just let it go and be happy. but if
someone doesn't understand, how can they make you happy
when you feel so bad.

getting past things is a good thing. wanting to be happy is
a good thing. but how can you be happy when you still have
things you need to say. but saying them only makes it worse.

so many endless tears.

my face is empty, empty of all emotion. all but the tears
in my eyes and the one on my face. i feel drained. so

i want to know im loved. but letters hold so little
feeling. i want to know im not the only one who feels bad
or hurting.

i want to know he feels bad. but again words hold little
feeling. he said he was sorry....


i don't want to be selfich... but it doesn't feel like
enough. if it was i wouldn't feel this way.

i don't want to feel this way. but i don't want to be told
to go and think. or that im being stubborn.

im not being subborn. im being hurt. i want to know it was
wrong, and he's sorry even though he said it.

he says he'll make it up to me, this time i want him to.
and i feel wrong for wanting that.

but i can't help it. maybe then i'll feel better.

i feel so horrible. so horrible for wanting it to be made
up to me. for being as angry as i was.

but being cold is not the way to warm a heart!

i feel like shit, nothing new. same as has been. i want to
keep crying but i think i used up all my tears.

can you use up all your tears? i think you can, and i think
i have for the night.

i guess it's time to go then, goodnight

*you better not have read this, these are my thoughts. not
something for you to read and tell me im wrong about one
thing or another. this is how i feel, most of it anyway.