more human than human
2002-08-30 05:06:04 (UTC)


I know I want to talk, I just don't know about what.
Everything is all upside down right now. I know exactly
what I want, but it's impossible because the past is in
the past, and he isn't him anymore. I love someone and I
can't figure out why, so I've decided that he's not worth
getting hurt by. I miss having someone who cares as much
for me as I do for them. I thought I had that, but I'm
guessing not since he seems to be able to walk away so
easily. I kind of have it, but not in the way I want. I
realise that dating really isn't that important at this
point. It's not like I'm getting married anytime soon,
although for some reason I feel like I'm behind. I'm
guessing my last lifetime was quite a while back, because
it seriously feels like I should be married by now. I'm
trying to find ways to distract myself but they aren't
working. As masochistic as this will sound, I kind of want
school to start up just so I'll have something else to
concentrate on. Something else to stress about. I really
want to do well this year so I can get the Rutherford
Scholarship and thus spend less of my bond on college and
be able to put more money towards the business me and my
friend are planning to start. I don't want to be alone
right now. I hate being alone. I hate sleeping alone. I'm
not sure what it is. I'm not afraid, just....I don't even
really know how to explain it. whatever. I need sleep,
with someone or not.