the expunged refuse of my evil mind
Ad 0:
2002-08-30 03:58:49 (UTC)

i need something new.

this is fucking killing me. i dunno. today is just pissing me off. im stuck in a rut.
i want to get out, but i cant. i dunno why i cant but its really not feeling right.
cowboy bebop was sold out. it was somethin gnew. i wanted to see that. with
morgan. i need morgan. but i cant take her home after work every day, just to
be kicked out when its time for me to leave. i cant take it. its really killing me. i
need for something big to happen. i think im sick in the head or something.
stupid life. i wish morgans parents werent such fucking ass holes. i want to kill
her dad and put her mom in isolation. they anger me. they make her sad. that
makes me angry. i want to do something, but i cant. it is so hard to be so close
to her, and yet not be able to see her. i cant imagine what its going to be like if
were in different colleges. ill go crazy. ill never see her. ill never be able to
feel her soft skin. her wet, warm, textured toungue. her kisses on my forehead.
her whispering into my ear. fuck. fuck fuck ufck. i dunno. i dotn think i could
take that but i dont think i really have a choice. maybye this is why im
depressed. college. I have no control, and that is really upsetting me. i have
no control over hwats going to happen to me and morgan, and that is what is
going to make me kill my self. fucking ass. i dotn hink im as sstron as shonee i
dunno if i caould sdo what they do. fucking 1600 miles away from each other.
thats gotta taking its toll on him. i think hes drinkin too much. i duno, just a
feeling. but then again, so would i . i udnno. i had a vision of morgan calling
me right after she slit her wrists, then me running over there and carrying her
to the hospital. then a vision of her jumping off a building, htne me, in
disbeleif, then jumping too. i dunno. i dont want her to jump. i just wish
someone would console me right now. i wish morgan could hold me. i wish
alex could be in the city, and shonee to be with her, nad me and morgan
living next door, and everything in my life would be happy. everything in my
life would be content. i wouldnt need any more, but i would wnat more.

but i would still be sad...