starry nite

my own world
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2002-08-30 03:30:28 (UTC)

what to think....

ok, so i dont know what to think about anthony. i mean he
said he doesnt want a relationship, he is just looking to
have fun right now, but i think he acts like more then a
friend. i mean i have already learned that he wants us to
be "friends with benefits"....but he acts like he wants
more then that. he calls me a lot, almost everyday....and
we have hung out a lot since he came back to school. he
said he would help me if i needed help studying in art
appreciation. maybe he is just really nice to me...could
that be all?

I mean its hard to explain the way he acts that makes him
seem like more then just a friend but, maybe its just i
havent had a friend like him.

He always says i seem maybe he just is acting the
way he thinks i need him to act. that is my biggest fear
about hanging out with him, that he is just trying to make
me feel happy and that im not alone...and while those are
good intentions, it is not what i need. i want people to
treat me the way they want to becuase thats how they feel,
not treat me in a way to make up for other making me feel

i am afraid that i will develop feelings for him. feelings
i shouldnt have if we are just friends. he isnt like any of
my other friends though....and he seems like he would be
there for me whenever i needed him. if he only likes me as
a friend im totally cool with that now b/c i am happy being
friends and i am still unsure about my feelings for him but
i think i only like him as a close friend right now, but
what if things change? what if i start to want to be more
then friends?.....i will end up getting hurt. he wouldnt
want me, he is so smart...much smarter then any other
person i know, he's nice, he cares about people, he is
really basically a good person....and could have many other
girls...i'm sure. well, i guess i shouldnt over think this
now. i always do that, and it doesnt help. i will wait and
see how things go and then figure it out from there.
stressing now about the "what ifs" will not help me, it
will only cause more stress that i definatly do not need.