Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2002-08-29 17:08:42 (UTC)

Sexual Colors...

RED
---
People who like red tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily
aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark
is lighted, it may take hours to extinguish. When two reds get
together, the ensuing erotica would make Lady Chatterly blush. Lovers
of red tend to be the aggressors and weaker colors should beware!

PURPLE
------
Lovers of purple frequently consider themselves too regal for a fun
romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to muss their
hair. Men are businesslike in their approach to lovemaking. In both
sexes, purple partners are more concerned with their fulfillment then
anyone else's gratification.

BLACK
-----
Black color preferences point to black sex. These people are the
misfits of the sex world and seek each other in kinship. They tend to
prefer perverted sex and are usually masochistic or sadistic in
nature. They are moody people and often perform at their peak when
under stress or during unhappy times. Police psychologists claim that
many sex offenders prefer the color black. And it is no coincidence
that the uniform of mobsters and teenaged gangs is black attire.

GREEN
-----
Those who prefer green are fresh and innocent in their approach to
sex. Women who love green will make love like virgins all their life.
And a man may also be a trifle clumsy and awkward, but in a charming
and endearing sort of way. Green lovers are gentle but not
passionate. If chosen as a mate, one will never need worry about
infidelity.

PINK
----
Persons who like pink show a reluctance to mature in sexual matters.
Women tend to tease; to promise more than they intend to deliver. In
some cases, they flaunt their femininity - but because they secretly
hate men. A great percentage of prostitutes boast entire lingerie
wardrobes in pink. Men who like pink are the type who will make three
dates for the same evening and not keep them, preferring to pick up a
dish in some bar instead. Pink indicates a tendency to squander
money.

ORANGE
------
Lovers of the color orange lean toward sexual fantasies. The sex act
is regarded as a dramatic role, a one act play in which they are the
star. Foreplay is as important as the act of love. They whisper
sweet nothings, meaningless dialogue they feel fits their image.
Orange people often do not experience orgasm - but they put on a damn
good act. Men tend to pull their partner's hair and women tend to
leave welts on their sex partner's back!

BROWN
-----
Sex is a 24-hour a day thing to them. They tend to say "I love you"
often enough. Snuggling by the fire, walking in the rain or catching
snowflakes on their tongue ins a turn-on to a lover of brown. They
need lots of time and privacy to make love. But their emotions are
such that one harsh word could end an affair.

GRAY
----
The color gray is preferred by people who are indecisive. They can't
get excited about anything - including colors - so they choose a
noncommittal shade. Men who prefer gray look at sex as a means of
relieving tension - nothing more nothing less. It's "wham, bam, thank
you ma'am". Women don't make love, they have intercourse. They count
the cracks in the bedroom plaster until the sex act is over with and
done. When a gray marries another gray, the marriage is made in
heaven. But when teamed with another color, the gray spouse considers
the other's infidelity a blessing.

BLUE
----
Lovers of blue are wonderful sex partners. They are sincere,
affectionate and sensitive to their partner's needs. They consider
lovemaking a fine art and their approach is elegant. Men who love
blue are like concert pianists; delicately ravaging their partner like
they would play a baby grand. Women in the blue category enjoy sex to
the fullest. They are exciting partners but their passion might be
compared to tidal waves rather than fiery aggression. Both men and
women enjoy Foreplay and the aftermath of lovemaking as much as the
act. In marriages, a blue person is a wonderful mate - never failing
to please the spouse and never seeking outside interests.

YELLOW
------
If you tend to favor yellow, your sexual drives are complex and lean
toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals is yellow!
but don't panic - not everyone who wears yellow is queer. In most
cases the person will accommodate to the stronger partner's desires in
a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you
will never turn down an invitation from someone you enjoy or admire.


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Amazing new study shows that your favorite Lucky Charms
marshmallow bit shape determines what you're like in bed! Yes, it's
true--just take this simple test to determine your true bedroom
personality:

Green clovers: If your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow shape is the
green clover, you're a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don't take
anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage
to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you. You
don't have any patience with depressed people and tend to sit on them
until they cheer up.

Blue diamonds: If your favorite marhmallow shape is the blue diamond,
your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you'll get later. "If he
really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?" is probably what's
going through your mind. People who like blue diamonds have a
notebook of preprinted fill-in-the-blank palimony suit forms and are
the people most likely to file their nails while making love.

Orange Stars: If your favorite shape is the orange star, you expect to
be the center of attention in bed. You expect your partner to spend
most of his time pleasing you and when you do something for him, you
expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause. People who like orange
stars often have mirrors over their beds, not because they are turned
on by watching what is being done, but because they want to be able to
watch themselves having a good time. They often moan out their own
names while making love.

Pink hearts: If you like pink hearts, you're the romantic type. You
like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if
he's too distracted to form coherent phrases, you'll settle for
romantic syllables. People who like pink hearts read most of the
romance novels published and are turned on by people wearing armor.

Purple horseshoes: If purple horseshoes are your thing, your tastes
are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped. You like variety in the
bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains, swingsets,
and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going out on a picnic with
anyone who likes purple horseshoes--she's likely to pin you down with
croquet hoops when you're not looking and who knows what could happen
next?

Yellow Moons: If you're the yellow moon type, you're more interested
in satisfying your partner's needs than your own. You prefer to lie
back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her needs
verbally or nonverbally. People who like yellow moons usually own
several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex just in
case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish them. Keep
your eyes open for anyone who eats all the purple horseshoes out of
her cereal as soon as she opens the box.

Those little oat bits that aren't marshmallows at all: If you prefer
the little oat bits, you probably don't like sex anyway and don't need
to read this article. People who prefer the oat bits usually become
accountants, librarians who work at the reference desk, or government
employees; these people like to chow down on a big bowl brimming with
oat bits before a tough day of protesting suggestive lyrics in rock
music. People who like oat bits have more time to spend writing
letters to the editor than any other type.