hvnlyhottie13z journal
Ad 2:
2002-08-29 16:10:21 (UTC)

giving up

hey, why should i bother with all the code names and stuff?
they know who they are it's my diary and if i wanna say
their names i guess i should just go for it... okay "james"
is really steven and "derrik" is really Ivan. they both kno
i like them so i dont care any more.

u ever felt like giving up??? i do... sometimes. like now.
like nothing i do or ever will do will go right... i guess
i'm just so low on self esteem my real problem is me. i
guess colorgenics.com was correct i took the colorgenics
test and it said...

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no
exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems
that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you
don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial
ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But
that won't work - you have to face reality.You feel very
lonely and frustrated at this time but your shyness and
modesty precludes you from establishing any deep form of
relationship. You feel rather isolated and alone. You are
egocentric and you believe that you are always right - well
maybe you are - but you have a short fuse and are likely to
take offense for the slightest reason.You pretend that you
are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers
you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever
problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows
off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress,
trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In
actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel
lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your
hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards.
You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself.
You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your
character to all and sundry.At this time you don't
particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried
to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that
there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from
being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and
have un-admitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that
you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads
to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you
take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go,
everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the
cliché 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you
cry alone!'? There is that inherent fear that you may be
prevented from attaining the better things in life - those
things that you consider essential to your well-being. So
you are prepared to try everything to prove to yourself
that whatever you do or try will go wrong. This destructive
attitude could come under the heading of 'a self fulfilling
prophecy'. This belittling yourself is your method of
disguising how hopeless and what a waste of time you feel
that everything is.

well, well.. looks like colors really can say who you are.
freaky. well... like i said i'm giving up. on everything.
i'm so sick of waking up every morning wondering about
wether it'll be a good day or a bad one, expecting things
to happen that never do............

"i woke up in the morning,
put on my face
the one thats gunna get me
thru another day
doesn't really matter
how i feel inside...
this life is like a game sometimes"
-Avril Lavigne