emptiness

my ana diary
2002-08-29 15:59:25 (UTC)

first day

today is the first day of my new diet....ill have orange
juice for breakfast...no lunch(ill drink water for that,
and i have to have dinner cuz the rents r gay like that...
and im too lazy to exercise...which sux cuz i need to. ill
do weight training at nite like i alwayz do.its so damn
hard to tell myself to not eat...pretty much the only way i
never eat is when im sleeping or if im on the comp...cuz
somehow i never eat then...which is good. my short term
goal is to lose 10 lb by the first day of school...which
gives me exactly 1 week to do it...i think i can bu ti
really have to restrict myself. i need soo much motavation.
during school i work out.. cuz im on the crew team. we have
hard 3 hour practices 5 days a week, so that shud keep me
in some sort of shape. but i need so much help to get to my
goal. Right now my waist is 29 inches which is HUGE and my
fattness weighs in around 128, so if i lose 10 lbs in a
week ill be down to 118 which i will be happy about.but i
changed my goal and its now to be at the most 100... i
think thats about rite for being 5'5 you think? i do. and i
HATE more than anything when people try to say that when u
dont eat u just want attention.thats so fucking wrong and
its stupid to say. I know that the reason i want to be thin
is to make myself happy and what other people say isnt
going to change my goals and im gonna do it even if it
kills me.