*~?~* Amy's Journal *~?~*
" The Census-Taker "
Yes I know I said I would get sum sleep 2nite...but
everytime I go to get sum sleep sumone always comes to me
with a problem or so called problems...sum pple just wanna
vent that they problems like the person I wa talking to
2nite...even tho they didn't really tell me what exactly
the prob was,but I know..Poor boy is terribly heart
broken..u know who u are and u I am always here 4 ya,family
is supposed to help family rite?¿?...LoL....xoxoxoxo...and
u know that talk we had b4 u started venting,and I
apprciate the fact that u don't accept who I am with,but u
are willing to leave us alone,cause u know how much he
means to me...Thanx with all my Heart...anyways I was
looking threw sum of my old books that I have read over the
past year mostly..and I found this poem,that pretty much
sums up my life from like September 2001 to Augest
2002...cause when I type shit on here and in my old journal
sum pple just didn't understand so maybe this will help:
"The Census-Taker" - by:Robert Frost
I came an errand one cloud-blowing evening
To a slab-built,balck-paper-covered house
Of one room and one window and one door,
The only dwelling in a waste cut over
A hundred square miles round it in the mountains:
And that not dwelt in now by men or women.
(It never had been dwelt in,though,by women,so what is this
I make a sorrow of?)
I came as census-taker to the waste
To count the people in it and found none,
None in the hundred miles,none in the house,
Where I came last with some hope,but not much
After hours' overlooking from cliffs
An emptiness flayed to the very stone.
I found no people that dared show themselves,
None not in hiding from outward eye.
The time was autumn,but how anyone
Could tell the time of year was every tree
That could dropped a leaf was down itself
And nothing but the stump of it was left
Now bringing out its rings in sugar of pitch;
And every tree up stood a rotting trunk
Without a single leaf to spend on autumn,
Or branch to whistle after waht was spent.
Perhaps the wind the more without the help
Of breathing trees and something of the time
Of year or day the way it swung a door
Forever off the latch,as if rude men
Passed in and slammed it shut each one behind him
For the next one to open for himself.
I counted nine I had no right to count
(But this was dreamy unofficial counting)
Before I made the tenth across the threshold.
Where was my supper?Where was anyone's?
No lamp lit.Nothing was on the table.
The stove was cold - the stove was off the chimney,
And down by one side where it lacked a leg.
The people that had loudly passed the door
Were people to ear but not the eye.
They were not on the table with their elbows.
They were not sleeping in the shelves of bunks.
I saw no men there and no bones of men there.
I armed myself against such bones as might be
With the pitch-blackened stub of an axe-handle
I picked up off the straw-dust covered floor.
Not bones,but the ill-fitted window rattled.
The door was still because I held it shut
While I thought what to do that could be done-
Abput the house-about the people not there.
This house in one year fallen to decay
Filled me with no less sorrow than the houses
Fallen to ruin in ten thousand years
Where Asia wedges Africa from Europe.
Nothing was left to do that I could see
Unless to find that there was no one there
"The place is desert and let whoso lurks
In silence,if in this he is aggrieved,
Break silence now or be forever silent.
Let him say why it should not be declared so."
The melancholy of having to count souls
Where they grow fewer and fewer every year
Is extreme where they shrink to none at all.
It must be I want life to go living.
Basicly I had everything going for me,pple believed me in
me,then shit happened,I got hurt,used,bullshitted,and I
wanted to die.I had so much and lost it all.But now I am
happy as ever,and ready to once again tackle my goals.But I
think back to my past its empty nuthin there,its all
gone.Cause sumone took it all away for me.But I think the
only reason I didn't really kill myself was because I know
I wanted my life to keep on living.Anyways did that help
anybody understand me better...LoL...probably not...
But anyways...sleep time...YaY...but myself cause Dave is
sleeping @ his house 2nite he has to work @ 6 and he didn't
wanna wake me...LoL..
*~¤~* Amy *~¤~*
P.S. Thanx you once again u know who u are,I love u and I
am always there 4 u...XOXOXOXOXO
nite nite every1