Heather M

School and life

Today, wasn't a bad day at all, lately i have been
wondering about me, trying to find the real me, trying to
find time to write about my life and feelings. Lately that
hasn't been accomplished, but im willing to try harder.
Anyway, again onto the boy topic, i am really done with
them, no guy has ever tricked my trigger....as in, made me
feel safe, comforatble, and loved. He's out there i know.
Until then i will live my life and enjoy every minute of
it. That's a problem with the younger generation and in
many cases people of my generation and older
generations...they don't enjoy life and see the real
fulfillment in it. I try very hard. I like to take things
all in.
Oh yes, my step father is in prison for what he did to me.
And i couldn't be more relieved.He will be in prison for a
minimum of 25 years and a maxium of 45 years.No parol.wow
to see this justice makes me feel so, calm and relaxed. My
mom disowns me, she said to me that she doesn't have a
daughter named "heather" anymore and that she never wants
to see me again. Wow, that really hurts me inside, but it
goes to show, even the person whom you have grown up with
as being your own mom, can be the lowest person ever. I
looked up to for the most part, but until i saw how weak
she is, i knew i needed a stronger romodel. And again, i
don't regret one thing of getting help, and my mom should
be happy, she doesn't have to worry about him beating her
to death, anymore. I would be happy for her, but since she
is being ignorant,then she will never see the true
happiness.
Well, tonite is the nite that i go on my first date, and
the guy's name is Mike. and well....i do like him, but not
in the lets be boyfriend and girlfriend, it's just not what
i want to deal with. God there are so many, hassles,
attachments, and what not when it comes to commitment and
relationships..it's really not worth it.i have been
spending a lot of time with my friends, which is what i
needed. i love my friends, the best things i coudld ever
have. and it dawned on me today, i have always wanted to
get the hell out of wisconsin, and go to a college far
away,and meet new people, party and what not, but then it's
like, wow it took me all my child hood to get to know my
friends and to start that all over is going to be hectic.
and well i like to meet new people, and i am totally
comfortable with the whole idea, but holy god, most people
just don't view things the way i do, so w/e.Then again, im
going to be going to college for 13 years, so that's like
going to elementary,grade, and high school all over again.
but more mature, for the most part.
I should go for now though, i will most definatly keep
updating my journal...