In the End
2001-07-17 19:58:52 (UTC)

Time is a Valuable Thing

Ahh, where to begin? I think it is standard to start with
a description of myself, but even that tends to be on the
difficult side. I'm going on 19, which is so strange to
me! I remember being a little girl thinking how different
things would be when I was finally this age...yet there are
many things I thought I would grow out of that just never
went away. I'm still scared of getting shots and require a
lolly pop afterward to feel sufficiently rewarded, and I
would still take a Kermit the Frog bandaid over a plain one
any day. Dressing up still makes me feel like a princess,
even when I realize I'm just going to an overcrowded room
with a plethora of other sweaty teenagers dancing like
complete fools instead of an elegant ball like Cinderella
attended in a horse-drawn carriage. There are still urges
to get revenge on people by giving them the infamous silent
treatment, although it is easier to overcome it with age.

The point is, I'm at a strange and tumultuous time in my
life that is hard to explain. I went through the period of
stubbornly insisting that I was capable of acting like an
adult, the insubordinate phase where every command I was
given by my parents was brutally rebuffed, the short but
significant time where I truly thought getting my own
apartment was within my reach (despite my alarming lack of
funds), and most recently a longing for the past that
affected me so much I could hardly breathe unless I was
watching She-Ra or Rainbow Brite on the television.

The best thing in my life right now is the realization that
high school is over for good. The fact that I never have
to return to that infernal place again makes me more
ecstatic than finding twenty bucks in the pocket of my
winter coat from last year! I don't respect the high
school system at all and don't really have anything
complimentary to say about it. I resented having to get up
so early for six or so hours of busy work and learning junk
I didn't care about. I had a few classes that were more
centered toward things I cared about that I enjoyed, but
even then, that really only depended on the teacher. For
example, Psychology consisted of doing a worksheet every
once in awhile and watching taped segments of Oprah and
Montell...not my idea of a well-spent 45 minutes.

I think my inspiration to write is dwindling so I'll put an
end to this rambling. I am always open to any feedback or
comments, so if anyone is reading this, feel free. I'm
going to try to write quite regularly. I find that I am
always less stressed when I get it out in writing. I'm not
going to use my real name...