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2002-08-27 23:26:51 (UTC)

I Miss Him

Have I ever told you guys about one of my best friends
ever? His name is Raymond Warner.

When I was a freshman in high school, I liked him soooo
much and we use to hang out all the time. It was GREAT! I
felt as if I could tell him anything! He was sweet, funny,
smart...everything I could ever want in a friend! And I
had the BIGGEST CRUSH on him!

I had it all planned out. My friend was going to break
the news to him-yea, I was a coward. But anywho, she was
going to tell him that I liked him a lot. She was
convinced he liked me in return. It would have worked out

But then, when I saw him afterschool, I could not let
her go through with it. What if he rejected me? What if it
turned out he only liked me as a friend? How would I act
afterwards when he knew that I liked him? I refused to let
her go through with the plan. I was too scared.

Weeks passed and I eventually joined the bowling team
upon Rayman's request. It was soo much fun and I met so
many guys-two of which liked me very much. I ended up
going out with one. I remember when I told Rayman the next
day. He was drinking milk when all of a sudden, I just
spat it out, "Me and Tyson are going out now." He choked
on the milk and asked, "Since when?" I told him that just
yesterday, tyson had asked me out.

Of course, the relationship only lasted a day. We did
not have a firm foundation of friendship and tyson thought
we were moving too fast and so ended it. And who was there
to comfort me? Rayman. He sat on the bus with me that day
and it was as if nothing had happened! We were back to
laughing and being crazy, and just having fun. But I was
still too shy to tell him that I liked him.

Then jeremy came into the picture. I believe a month
passed until me and jeremy were going out. I remember when
I first sat with him on the bus. Rayman was coming on,
expecting to sit with me, but when he saw that I had
already moved on to another, his face flushed and he
glared at me but I could not meet his angry gaze. He would
not speak to me that day, and when he did, it was done in
a bitter tone.

Me and jeremy lasted 4 months, and throughout those
months, I could not help but wonder whether I would be
better off with Rayman, But I stayed in the relationship
until jeremy eventually broke it off. My world was
shattered. My grades in school plummeted and I felt as a
worthless being. How could this happen to me? How could I
go on?

By this time, Rayman had become quite popular among the
ladies and he had found a new crowd of friends. We rarely
talked anymore. Yet I realized that I still had feelings
for him, and this time, I WOULD NOT let my fear overcome
me. I had it all planned out like last time. I would just
go up to him and ask him out! Simple enough, right? WRONG!
A few days after I connived this scheme, I found out that
Rayman was moving to California after school finished.

WHAT WAS I TO DO? But because I had promised myself to
not be afraid ever again, I would tell an
email. I totally poured out all of my feelings for him and
at the end of the letter I popped the big question. (No,
not 'will you marry me?' The other big one)

The next day at school was scary. Rayman came up to me
and took my hand in his. And these were his exact
words: "I don't mean to hurt your feelings or anything,
but I can't go out with you because I'm leaving in 3 days
and it'll make you even sadder when I leave and I don't
want to hurt you like that."

Is that not the sweetest thing in the world? Goodness, I
was so touched by those words. HE could have gone out with
me, but he cared more about my feelings than he did about
having a girlfriend before he left. That's just so great.

We still keep in touch. If ever he comes back, we intend
on going out. I always have dreams in which Rayman returns
to Florida and we meet up at the bowling alley where we
used to hang out. I would run up to him at full speed and
hug him tightly and close, and we would stay in that warm
embrace for what seemed an eternity. Then, I would pull
away, cup his face in my hands, and kiss him hard and
long, conveying all my love for him when our lips touched.
I also dream that me and Rayman will end up getting
married. Such a fairy tale ending I know. But I love him
soooo MUCH. How do I know this? Becuase it hurts so BAd!
Sure I've had a few relationships with guys after Rayman
left, but even if I'm with a guy and having the time of my
life, I can't help but miss Rayman. And I'd rather be with
him than with any other guy in the world!

:SIGH: I miss him sooooo much and I wish he would come
back soon! I love hIm! I know I was mistaken when I said I
loved someone once, but that was a long time ago and I was
blinded. Now I know, without a doubt, that I love Rayman.

Will He Come Back?

Do Dreams Still Come True?

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