2001-07-17 15:14:39 (UTC)

Physical deprivation

There is nothing quite like the feel, smell, and warmth of
a genuinely loving hug from another person. If one doesn't
get the feeling of being special or cared for, then there
is nothing there in the first place.... just an idea as I'm
missing that kind of physical contact from someone that I
really care about.

Starfish has been more than willing to provide the
physicality lately, but the feelings with her have nothing
to do with caring for her... and i am loathe to write
this... but only with the fact that she builds her self-
image via the reflection of herself that she perceives from
other people. If I find her attractive, then she feels
attractive. If I desire her, then the is proud of herself
for being desireable. the problem is, I'm tired of being
her therapist.. all I wanted was the meaningless, nasty,
naughty butt-sex that comes from her.. not all this damn
baggage that has come along for the ride... but OHHHH, the
sex would be AMAZING!!

There are other outlets for it, but there would be more of
a connection to have to deal with in those cases. Launch is
not an option for that, as her mother was my first
experience... that's just too strange to follow up with.

Melba would be fine, if I could ever get her to open her
brain and think about what she's saying... she's just too
damn dense to comprehend what's going on!

I'll work around it, but I still have reservations about
Starfish... I'm trying to pawn her off on Half-Cut, but
he's not being a good wingman and won't take her... a guy
who's been celibate (not by choice) for 2 1/2 years can't
be choosy about a hand-off lay. Picky bastard.

Want some cocktail tips? Try some drinks recipes over here