My Reality
Ad 2:
2002-08-27 19:58:35 (UTC)


where did all of these hot boys come from, no no let me
rephrase where did all of these hot boys who think i am hot
aswell come from. its a whole knew world. i think the
powers of the world have shifted and we are living in an
alternate life, bc this is not the world i knew. a world
where classes made sense, the professors are awesome, "that
guy" is being exceptionally nice to me, i havea
prospective boyfriend, i am kinda ok with living away from
home, i dont feel horribly depressed and things look like
my life is going in the right direction. this woorld is so
new to me i dont know what to do with myself. i actually
have things to look forward to. its creepy.
ok yeah i called "that guy" yesterday and we talked for
like an hour, something which hasnt happened in forever.
and it went really well he wanted to make sure i was happy
and ok with being back and he wanted to know what was going
on with me. it was like he was really interested in me it
was like he had missed me. I AM SO NOT USED TO THAT. its
great i am glad that he likes talking to me. i can
actually make him laugh again. he is actually loosening up
again and letting us get close once more which is something
that i miss.
ok now on to the new guy. he is awesome. he calls me
like twice a day just to say hey and then to talk for hours
on end bc he misses me.i think that is great, i am a little
cautious though bc i am still really not sure if i want a
boyfriend right now. but i am trying bc i think he could
be really really good for me. he makes me very happy and i
like him a lot so whats the harm right?
ok ok let me tell you the harm. i still cry over josh
like every single day. i miss the devil like crazy. i
keep trying to think that one day we will have a chance but
it doesnt look good. i mean i know he left to have a new
life and to be on his own but he hasnt even called or
emailed me or anything. i hate to be selfish here but it
hurts so bad that i dont mean enough to him to let him at
least check in on me... i would do anything to talk to him
right now. he is the most amazing man i have ever met, and
though i am trying to move on i am not being very
successful bc i still think about being with him on a daily
so is that ok? is it wrong for me to do that when i am
trying to get into a relationship with another guy and
still have a very close relationship wtih a guy that i was
involved wtih....does this make me seem like a little
hoochie or just greedy... is it ok to feel this way
considering i am not involved with any of them. i love
them all, no wait, i love "j" and "that guy" and the new
guy, i have extreme potential to love him. so what do i
do, wait and wait and wait for mr perfection? after
a guy who likes to make a game out of our love life, or the
guy who treats me like a princess?...i know it sounds silly
the answer should be easy, but the new guy, i am attracted
to him but in a different way than most guys, i think its
just bc of the way he approaches me. he is so good to me i
just cant help but want to be wtih him!