sariki

My so called life.
2002-08-27 04:42:33 (UTC)

Love

What I meant a few nights ago about wishing I was in Tom's
arms at the pier, Well I just wish things were the way they
were. Tom and I were pretty close and even though we
weren't dating, we were still in eachothers arms. in that
innocent sort of way.

In all honesty, I think I am falling in love with Mike. I
want to tell him I love him, but I am so very afraid.. I
think if i say that, it will hurt 10 times more if I lose
him. I don't know if I could handle hurting more.. and it
tears me up inside..

I seem to always end up hurting Mike... and it kills me to
do that. I seem to always screw things up... and I guess he
could do better than me. It makes me wonder why the hell he
is with a girl like me.

Why do I always screw things up? I am so scared becuase he
is the one thing I have left. I feel like he is the only
thing I have left. He is what stops me from ending things
forever. I am almost in tears now thinking of how life
would be without him. I don't want to be selfish though,
and saying that might scare him into staying with me just
so I wont do anything. But he can do better and I want him
to do better. He needs a girl that isnt afraid of falling
in love with him. and he needs a girl that isnt always
sad.. and he needs a girl that wont hurt him. I guess I'm
not that girl.

Maybe I should become a nun. That would save the guy
population from having to deal with me




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