Ad 0:
DigitalOcean Referral Badge
2002-08-27 02:39:34 (UTC)

it all happ'd 8/26 bbq nite

so i was at my uncle's bbq w/ grandpa, and then the topic
came up about kids (my age, 20) going on vacation w/ their
parents, so i put my opinion in and said that i'll be bored
w/ my mom and my aunt replied w/ something like-u should
treasure your mom while she last and your parents, because
you don't know what it's going to be like w/o
them...something like that..well i feel like yes you
should, but you should allowed to have fun w/ people
outside of your family,like friends, and i mentioned
that...and they made me feel very guilty about's
sad how i feel so im my own worst enemy..
today i was listening to em's "cleaning out my closet" song
and then my mom said wow he must have a lot of hate against
his mother, because he sounds like she really hurt him, and
then i replied (once again my big mouth opens) with why do
you(she's talking to me at this point) act like you are so
hurt, what did we do to make u feel so really
broke my heart, because they don't really know why im so
hurt. it's just that my opinions are the antithesis of
everyone elses. and another thing, i believed that i've
been, in some way, abused in my early childhood, and i just
can't remember..i have so much pain and hurt for no reason
most times.......sometimes i just scream at myself..and i
really feel like im the creator of all evil within myself.
it's like im hurt and i can't really explain why, so the
best thing to do is lash out at other people, because it
feels better than the pain i endure. when i lash out at
other people, i feel my pain go away. i dont know what's
wrong w/ me. i need a good therapist...before i hurt
myself, emotionally.