lost in the dark
Ad 0:
2002-08-26 22:58:11 (UTC)

Not finished yet...

Hey Entry. hmm, 1 week and I will be on my way to my
Parents place. Do I what to go there at this point in time!
Or should I stay where I am for the time being! So, many
questions going through my head, and alot of them are going
unanswered. Job searching is looking really grim at this
time of year. I am hoping that it will change when and IF I
come back from my parents place. From what I am told there
are alot of jobs out where my parents are. But, do I leave
these people that I call my family behide ? Brother and
Sister alike, there is soo much that I know about them and
yet so little. I know that if i talk to brother that he will say that
things will be ok. But, how do I know that this are ok if I am not
here to talk to him or Sister. I want to be here to be able to go out
for a Coffee or just to be here. I like the feeling of the presence
of such people.
But, I am going to my parents place with my eye open not closed.
There might be a possiblity that there might be something new to
experince that I have been looking for. And if it is there then I
guess I have found my answer, or maybe part of an answer. I will have
to wait and see what happens. There is so much that I want to do, but
I already feel as if I am starting to let go of what I have already.
Is the feeling of not working ? There is nothing holding me here,
Other there these people that are my family. I don't want to say good
bye, that is the feeling that I have at the moment. I want to say
that I will see you in acoupla weeks and mean it. There is no meaning
left in me. I need to find something somewhere. I call this home
where I am now. But what is Home, But a place to hang your hat. I
need to feel wanted, I need to have the feeling that I am needed for
something. I am empty. I look around me and all that I see is stuff
that is turning into a past. Stuff that I try to hold onto. But, what
use is it to hold onto the past, when all of it feels as if it is
just sand slipping through my fingures. There has to be more then
what there is here. I am not giving up, I am looking from what I have
learned and will hopefully be able to take it with me and feel no
regrate in what might happen...

For when I look apon that face of yours,
I see the Stars, I see the Moon, I see the Sun.
When things are down and I am counting my chips,
I see your face, I see the Future, I see the Possiblity.
When the feelings are so knoted that I do not wether to cry or laugh,
I see your face, I see the Humour, I see the Smile.
For the time when I see nothing but darkness,
I see you face, I see the Glimmer, I see the Light.
The Box that I feel when things are in a bind,
I see your face, I see the opening, I see that the Hand.
This is the darkess time in what seems like forever,
this goes to you my freind, May I always see your face.

Lost in The Dark...