Shot

Dirty Fractyl
2002-08-26 07:13:36 (UTC)

let the am boredom roll

The Onion inspired me and stuff, and since I can't sleep, I
am going to produce my own news.

CHILD OSTRASIZED FROM SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS FOR PROCLAIMING
HIMSELF THE 'FASHION DEVIL'

Boastfully donning a bugle boy t-shirt and a pair of Lee
Dungarees, Teddy Gosswell was removed from his class for
making what his teachers called a Satanic reference. Upon
entering class, Teddy alleges that a girl in his class, who
shall be named Jessica for the purposes of this report,
made the proverbial remark "Someone getting ready for a
flood?" Teddy, not well versed with sarcasm replied that
Noah and the great flood story was last week. After being
told the remark was about his jeans, he replied, "I'm a
fashion devil!" Biting his tounge about the devil
announcement, the southern Baptist children in his class
are now instructed by their parents not to talk to Teddy
until he can prove he is no such devil.


NEBRASKAN MAN KEEPS COLLECTION OF KIDNEY STONES PASSED

Holding up the little masonite jar, it might be mistaken
for a small collection of sand granules, but make no
mistake, Thurgood Shepard of Nebraska has worked a little
harder than that to accrue his small fortune. Holding the
jar up to his eyes, he smiles and reflects on his hard
work.

"See that little cluster right there? It took me seven
hours of grunting to pass that one. My wife held my hand
the entire time."
Shepard says he has plans to pass his heritage and
collection onto his son who says to already dream of "the
day he will be able to start [his own] collection."

-------
It is now 3:10.

10 minutes passed.

10 minutes
closer
to
morning....