brighteyes

Lost In Thoughts
2002-08-26 00:06:31 (UTC)

sleeping thru it all.

I just want to sleep thru it all. blah. i had a bad
weekend. and i have been really upset for some reason. i
dont even know where to start. I really dont even want to
get into it. i just dont like how someone has the power to
control my feelings so much. why do i let that happen? it
just makes everything so long forth and troubling. I am so
sick and tired if it. i think right now i am talking about
pretty much robby....and nate because he wrote in his diary
about how i am a bitch for no reason. thats not what they
said to me. blah. so thats enough about that i dont want
to waste me thoughts on that or him. All i am going to say
is that holly was upset about what he does..and so on.
Well..last night was kerrys party...and it seems i got my
hopes up for no reason at all. i seriously thought that
would be the night. i was wrong. it just made me realize
how guys are so passive and they actually them there "best
friends" anything. well...unless it was important and i
guess it wasnt. As in what i mean i. blah. just to clear
that up. So the party..was..ut people..and i thought
ok...new people. and joe was there...and i knew he would
tell robby if i was there or not. so i tired to make the
best out of it. but maybe i just should not try. well
anyways i tired to dance..and it was fun..but i dont know.
and then this one kid there looked like robby...oh well.
he even came up and started to talk to me. i think his name
was seth..it was. And then whenever was passed out it was
just me and josh webb up. he use to go to school so he
knew me...and he kept calling me jenny like we were best
buds. i guess thats ok. so we just got to talk. and it
was alright. i dont know what he told his friends...cause
joe knew i talked to josh...oh well. Well anyways...we
talked about a lot..and then he got personal into
relationships. He asked who the guy was....blah...it hit
me. he had no idea i was seeing...or....whatever robby.
so...josh could tell i was bitter. and he asked what had
happened in the last relationship and i said nothing. and
he asked who it was. and i told him..he was shocked cause
he knew nothing about it i guess. but then again i cant
trust anything he says. but i guess it was ok to talk. i
didnt want to make a big deal out of it. yea...so that
was that. Holly and i left early and i went home...i got
to see my cat. i think it made me really emotional cause i
miss home kinda. it just brought it back to my mind. oh
well. I dont feel like doing anything i am upset
blah...hmmm....i was thinking that josh was asking me
questions...i dont know if thats a good thing or what. but
it was nice...he asked about what i was majoring in and i
said i wanted to be an actress and he out of nowhere said
i could do it. that was nice...but who cares. I just have
this empty feeling..i dont know what to think. i keep
thinking what am i doing. why? I cant find anything
stable in my life right now. With people...with
school....with guard...with everything. i dont know what
it is. I guess i am alone but whats that different then
anything. I just feel so weird...and being away from home
doesnt help. i just want to find something i think is
sable. who knows.




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