Prodigy: The Next Chapter of the Beginin
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2002-08-25 20:37:07 (UTC)

Crushed Underneith

Well it's here. My first entry.and It's going to be a shit
ass one too. I feel like shit. All week I have felt like
shit but today even made me feel so low. I don't know what
went wrong. i feel like I am a bad perrson or something. I
think it's because I don't know how to act gay or queer or
soemthing. One of my friends Courtny in New York who is
also one of Marks friends emailed me with some bad news.
Mark supposably went and got a girlfriend. she told me that
I should move on. What should I do. I had a feeling that
something was up but, I didn't listen. I feel so angry and
sad and depressed more than ever. God I feel freaking sick
and weak right now. I really don't know what to do. I mean
There are alot of my friends here that like me and would
like to go out with me. But I love mark. And I don't think
I can love anyone else. Why is it so hard to be gay. damn
it. ( I love the whole secretive thing) What to do what to
do what to do. i don't know. i could wait till mark comes
back to me or I can pimp out all the guys here in Missouri.
sry i'm not hustler. Being stuck here and the bad news just
makes things .......i don't know what to think right now.
hmm The guys here are a bit distractig. Especialy this one
guy his name is Kevin Lotz. i don't know if he is gay thu.
He kinda sounds liek it and looks like it. I heard that
peoples Gaydar are like messed up in The central area that
it's kinda fuzzy. Anyways, he is very cute. Kind-of a dork
but a dork in a cute way. omg he has the cuttest laugh.
(blushes) Then there are the guys at work. There is this
bus boy his name is Vern (cute name) and he is very hot. I
love a guy who wears an apron. God hot guys everywhere and
I can't chose. I still ove mark. It will take me acouple of
weeks maybe months(i hope not) till i will go out with
anyone. My room mate Joe and Mike arn't that bad. Mike is
athug wanna be's which i hate and joe is jope but he is
straight. both of them are. grrr. WEll this will be enough
fot he day. so i'll talk to all you laters.

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