winsome

e's issues
2001-07-16 21:55:43 (UTC)

first entry continued b/c i couldn't see thru my tears, poor elizabeth

YOU LEFT and it hurts anyway. it didn't matter that i
don't love you i still miss you or i just hate being alone
now that i know that i don't have to be. and i don't know
why you haven't called me. just b/c i said i didn't love
you and probably never would after i promised you i
wouldn't tell you i love you unless i really did and i told
you b/c i thought it would make you happy and i didn't want
you to be sad but telling you i love you when i didn't
wasn't doing you any favor it was just being a pathetic
person who couldn't stand by her guns which is why i didn't
want to get involved in the first place. i think what it
comes down to is that one of these days i'm going to have
to grow up. stop second guessing myself and trust my
feelings. if i don't want to fuck him b/c i don't want to
then it shouldn't matter that he wants to even if he does
love me. how many times do i say i have to take care of
me. that's no one else's job so why in god's name do i try
to take care of someone i barely know just b/c he might
love me. i'm not that bad a person. it's not like on
measly person will love me my entire life. there are lots
of men out there. if one doesn't appeal that probably
means that we're not right for each other so i shouldn't
try and make it work. and i shouldn't worry so much about
it after the fact. sad sad sad. worry worry worry. poor
me. i'd tell my friends to snap out of it. it's not the
end of the world. you just made a mistake. that's ok.
everyone screws up. move on. use what you've learned. i
need to listen to me more often.